Attitude/Mindset Archives | Experience Life

The Go-To Mood-Boosting Activities of 10 Healthy-Living Experts

Emily Ewen — Thu, 25 Sep 2025 13:00:44 +0000

When the sun starts to set a bit earlier and the air turns cooler, many of us feel a dip in our energy — and our mood can follow suit. The transition into the fall and winter months can sometimes bring a sense of sluggishness or seasonal blues, but shorter days don’t have to lead to a darker outlook.

To help you feel energized even when daylight is in short supply, we asked several Life Time performers in New York City how they stay uplifted during the cooler months, both at Life Time and through using the Life Time app.

Shelby Hicks

On-demand performer in the Life Time app and group fitness instructor at Life Time in New York City

When it gets a little colder outside, I love to go to the club, take a class, and then sit in the sauna and listen to a guided meditation. I always walk out feeling invigorated and refreshed.

I’m also a big podcast listener, so I love to get out and walk [while wearing] my weighted vest — even when it’s cold! The Life Time app has so many great Life Time Talks podcast episodes about health, longevity, and more. I learn a lot, which helps me feel productive.

Kenny Ferrer

On-demand performer and meditation teacher in the Life Time app and mindful movement, yoga, and meditation teacher at Life Time PENN, Life Time One Wall Street and Life Time 23rd Street in New York City

The 10-minute “Core With Mary” on-demand class in the Life Time app is one of my go-tos when I need a quick boost. It’s a short workout that focuses on rotational movements. I just love Mary Onyango, and so much of her personality comes through during this short class. It makes me feel good to watch her thrive, and it’s an excellent workout! It’s the perfect pick-me-up before going on with the rest of my day.

Mary Onyango

On-demand performer in the Life Time app and five-star ELI group fitness instructor at Life Time One Wall Street, Life Time Dumbo, Life Time Atlantic Avenue, and Life Time PENN 1 in New York City

When the days get shorter and darker, I start to focus more on recovery. When the weather is colder, I notice that my body and muscles can be more tense, and my joints start to hurt. So, before I teach a class, I go to the LT Recovery space and grab a foam roller or spend time in the massage chairs. And then once a week, I like to get a massage at the LifeSpa to relax my body even more.

My favorite mood-boosting activity in the Life Time app is doing a guided meditation. It’s hard for me to focus on meditating by myself, so I need a bit of guidance, and I’ve found that the Life Time app has so many good options. “State of Calm with Tory” is definitely one of my favorites.

Nick Davis

On-demand performer in the Life Time app and group instructor at Life Time Sky (Manhattan) in New York City

My go-to fall and winter activity at Life Time is using the sauna and cold plunge for contrast therapy. Since I don’t get to spend time outside at the pool during these seasons, this is my way to relax and recover. I find it gives me a mental boost as well.

It’s also social for me — I get together with friends and fellow Life Time team members so we can support each other in our recovery goals.

My favorite feel-good activity in the Life Time app is taking our on-demand stretching classes. It’s very cozy in the winter to light a candle and do a calming, grounding stretching sequence. I especially like to do “MB360 Evening Cool Down with Jessie.”

Bradford Stevens

On-demand performer in the Life Time app and group fitness instructor at Life Time Bryant Park in New York City

I love fall and winter, and when these seasons arrive, group fitness classes are my go-to! When the weather gets a little bit cold and there’s more darkness, you might need that extra push from a community to get your workout in.

Within the Life Time app, I love listening to the Life Time Talks podcast. It’s a great way to get going in the morning with a boost of learning and inspiration.

Saya Tomioka

On-demand performer and yoga and Pilates instructor at Life Time Sky (Manhattan) in New York City

A CTR class is always a mood booster for me! I love to hop on the reformer machine and experience such a unique workout. It’s driven by the rhythm of the music and leaves me feeling empowered at the end of class.

On the Life Time app, I love to take any class that involves dance or high-energy music. It gets me up and moving! Try “Dance and Tone with Jeimy” — it’s so fun, and she’ll get you pumped right up!

Austin Head

On-demand performer in the Life Time app and five-star ELI group fitness instructor at Life Time Dumbo, Life Time Atlantic Avenue, and Life Time Sky (Manhattan) in New York City

My go-to mood booster is the community at Life Time. We’ve built such an incredible community here and it puts me in a great mood just being around my friends and colleagues, teaching classes, participating in events and activities, and planning fun themed classes and events for holidays. I really lean on this community to stay uplifted as the seasons change!

If I need a pick-me-up outside of the club, I love to do a 20-minute MB360 on-demand class in the Life Time app. The movement really helps me access my joy.

Jessie Syfko

On-demand performer in the Life Time app and senior vice president of Life Time Digital

There’s nothing that makes me giggle more or have more fun than getting on the pickleball court with friends. It brings out my inner competitive athlete and is such a mood-booster.

My favorite uplifting activity in the Life Time app is our guided meditation or breathwork sessions. The guided meditations really help me feel grounded and more whole so I can be a better version of myself when I take that step forward into the next part of my day.

Joseph David

On-demand performer in the Life Time app and five-star ELI group fitness instructor at Life Time Dumbo in New York City and Life Time in Florham Park, N.J.

My go-to mood-boosting activity at Life Time is the party we always have after my classes. Community is everything, and after class I love engaging with our members and celebrating the hard work and fun we experienced during class.

Breanna Cummings

On-demand performer in the Life Time app and five-star ELI group fitness instructor at Life Time One Wall Street in New York City

Every time I book a session in the LT Recovery space, my mood instantly lifts. When I first tried the HydroMassage lounge chairs and Normatec compression sleeves, I was hooked. These are two perfect ways to relax both my muscles and my mind.

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Pursuing Peak Performance: How to Reach Your Full Potential (Performance & Longevity Series)

Molly Kopischke — Thu, 18 Sep 2025 10:00:29 +0000

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I Know I Should Exercise But . . .

Molly Kopischke — Tue, 02 Sep 2025 10:00:32 +0000

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The Good-Enough Parent

John Spayde — Fri, 22 Aug 2025 13:01:18 +0000

As if raising kids weren’t difficult and demanding enough, many parents feel pressure to do it perfectly. But we also have lives beyond the child-rearing sphere: We’re partners, friends, colleagues, and more.

Trying to excel at all these things at once is almost guaranteed to create what’s called “parent guilt”: When we go to work and leave the kids in someone else’s care, we feel guilty. When we leave work early for our kid’s soccer game — another twinge. When we miss happy hour with college pals because our kid needs help with a school project, we feel contrite because we fear we’re turning into a no-show friend.

To make things worse, this pervasive sense of falling short makes it hard for us to be present when we’re with our children, at work, or with friends. It’s a self-reinforcing negative cycle.

Marriage and career counselor Rachel Glik, EdD, LPC, author of A Soulful Marriage, has some suggestions for breaking out of the cycle and escaping parent guilt. She says the key to juggling these relationships is tending to your relationship with yourself.

Stress Source

You feel inadequate. Struggling to balance kids, work, and a social life can make you feel like a failure in all three spheres. It’s a particularly modern dilemma because responsibilities were once divided, Glik says: One parent, usually the mother, would take care of the kids while the father went off to work. “Today, moms are bearing a lot of financial burdens as well, and there are also working fathers accepting more household responsibilities.”

People in your life offer unsolicited advice. “Parents and in-laws may suggest what they think you should do about parenting or your other responsibilities, and it’s easy to take this unsolicited advice as criticism, even if that’s not its intention,” she says. (See “What’s the Best Way to Handle Unsolicited Advice From Family Members?” for expert suggestions.)

You believe you should be able to do it all. According to Glik, the biggest culprit in creating parent guilt is the illusion that our reservoir of energy and capacity is unlimited. “That sets us up for thinking we’re always missing the mark.”

Kids don’t care. You might wish that your kids could understand the pressure you’re facing and cut you some slack. But infants, toddlers, and adolescents can’t see everything you’re trying to do — because their needs take priority.

You compare yourself with others. Opportunities for comparison are everywhere — from acquaintances who seem to be thriving to social media images of “superparents” who are popular and prosperous.

“Social media can create a kind of groupthink in which we return to some of the self-conscious anxieties we had in middle school,” Glik says.

Setting boundaries is hard. The temptation to think we can do it all is connected to the difficulty of saying no when necessary.

“It takes so much more effort to set a boundary than it does to get mad or just give in,” says Glik. “It can be particularly hard to set boundaries with ourselves — to give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves.”

Success Strategies

1) Give yourself a break. Successfully handling the pressures of parenting starts with realizing and respecting that you’re trying, Glik asserts. Acknowledge that you’re doing your best to balance all elements of your life. Then, she advises, repeat a mantra to yourself: “My best is more than enough.”

2) Reconsider how you establish your self-image and self-worth. “Why do we feel guilty for not being able to do it all?” Glik asks. “Often, we form our sense of self based on how well we succeed at making everybody happy.”

But we can’t make everybody happy all the time, she argues. We’re going to let down the people in our lives at some point, which is OK. “People can handle disappointment.”

3) Know your triggers. Glik recommends building awareness around the situations and stimuli that evoke strong emotional reactions. “I notice that when people want a lot from me, I can get angry,” she says.

Other people may be triggered by happy-family posts on social media, parenting advice from family members, or excessive physical touch at the end of a long day.

Becoming aware of your triggers can help you address the underlying need or issue. Glik notes that when she feels annoyed at people’s requests, “I mostly catch myself and realize it’s only because I put so much pressure on myself, thinking that if somebody asks me to do something, I have to do it.”

(Check out “13 Strategies to Deal With Your Emotional Triggers” for actionable advice for handling our trigger reactions.)

4) Use reassuring statements. You can acknowledge the other person’s need or concern when you decline invitations, Glik points out.

“With friends, it can be ‘I know that you miss being with me, and I miss us too. But it’s clear to me that this is where I need to be right now.’ At work: ‘I really want to join you on that project, but I just need a minute to collect my thoughts before I commit.’ If you have to miss a meeting, you can reassure people that you’ll get notes from a colleague.”

5) Pursue self-care. Compassionate boundary setting provides space for you to care for yourself, which Glik believes is essential. Caring for your health, pursuing hobbies and other interests, and seeking support from friends or professional counselors are all ways to make sure you’re able to put good energy into your roles of parent, friend, and colleague.

6) Get the kids to help. Your children may not empathize with your struggles, but they can help in other ways, Glik says. “One thing that helps to alleviate the overwhelm is to not see your role as to always give your children your energy, but to help them contribute their own.”

If they’re old enough, you can give them responsibilities, like doing their own laundry or helping with meals.

7) Be careful with comparisons. Glik thinks we’re hardwired to compare ourselves with others — “we’re social by nature, and it’s natural for us to be aware of others.” But we can learn to identify healthy comparison, in which we simply aspire to emulate someone we admire, and unhealthy comparison, in which we elevate another person in a way that ensures we will always fall short.

If you notice that your tendency to compare or compete with others has reached an unhealthy level, this may be a sign that you need to engage in more self-care practices or take a break from social media and other similar triggers.

8) Stay present. It’s best not to dwell on what’s next, Glik says. “It’s important to stay in the present moment as much as you possibly can so that you can listen within for where you’re needed now and not get ahead of yourself.”

Her primary tool for doing this is PBR — pause, breathe, relax. “It’s a micromindfulness tool easy to take with you throughout your day,” she says. “This tells your brain that all is well.”

9) Cultivate gratitude. “Being a parent, a worker, a partner, and a friend at the same time can be stressful,” Glik acknowledges. “But if you can see these roles as representing a full, rich life, that attitude can help you meet that life’s demands.”

Making a gratitude list can help you appreciate what you have. Or you could try Glik’s approach: “I like to pretend that I have just discovered that I have a family, a job, a circle of friends, as if I never had them or they were taken away from me and restored. Then I get to see them as amazing blessings.”

Renewal

For more inspiration and strategies to overcome life’s challenges, please visit our Renewal department.

The post The Good-Enough Parent appeared first on Experience Life.

Running the Long Race

Molly Kopischke — Tue, 05 Aug 2025 10:00:25 +0000

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A Summer of Self-Discovery

Callie Fredrickson — Fri, 01 Aug 2025 13:00:14 +0000

Summertime isn’t just for vacation — it’s one of the most powerful seasons for personal exploration. With routines that are often more flexible and schedules that tend to slow down, it’s an ideal period to reflect, reset, and reimagine how we want to show up in the world.

This summer, instead of pressing pause on our goals and ambitions, what if we take the time to press inward and to build our inner strength and confidence to achieve them?

Whether you are recalibrating your goals, taking on a new challenge, or creating space to reflect, consider these remaining days of summer as your reset button. Use the time to build the kind of unshakable confidence that can fuel your moves and set the tone for the rest of the year ahead.

As a communications strategist who has worked for more than 30 years helping people and organizations find and own their purpose, I have witnessed time and again how this kind of intentional work creates momentum and progress. These are some of my go-to strategies for tuning in and owning your next phase of personal growth.

1. Embrace the micromoments of growth.

You don’t need a dramatic reinvention. Often, it’s the small, subtle shifts that create the biggest gains. To begin building clarity and focus that fuels your growth, start by writing down three specific, tangible goals you want to achieve in the next 30 to 60 days.

This could be reading one new book, pitching a new project at work, or reconnecting with someone you have meaningful relationship with. It could be speaking up once a day in a meeting or posting on an online platform like LinkedIn or Instagram. When you break your goals down into micro-steps, the path becomes more manageable and more motivating because your confidence grows as you reach those goals.

Another action you might take is choosing one skill you’d like to develop and then researching a course or resource to help. We live in a time where there’s an abundance of resources available at our disposal, many of them for free or at a low-cost. Find a podcast, a free YouTube course, or an online course to dive into.

This requires a desire to seek out new perspectives, a principle so important that I dedicate an entire chapter to it in my book, 7 Rules of Self-Reliance: How to Stay Low, Keep Moving, Invest in Yourself, and Own Your Future. In the chapter “Unlearn, Relearn, and Invest in Yourself,” I implore readers to question their assumptions, seek out new perspectives, and try something new that pushes them out of their comfort zone.

We are truly living in an era where growth and learning are more accessible than ever — you just have to commit to finding a micromoment to build it into your schedule. And when I say micro, I mean micro!

Do you have 15 minutes to learn something from a podcast while going for a walk? Science shows that physical activity, like walking, increases blood flow and oxygen to the brain, enhancing your ability to retain information and even boosting creativity. So, lace up your shoes and turn your daily stroll into a powerful learning opportunity.

2. Build the habits that will serve your future self.

Confidence is the result of your daily decisions. Summer offers space to build habits with less pressure and more intentionality. As James Clear states in Atomic Habits, “Changes that seem small and unimportant at first will compound into remarkable results if you’re willing to stick with them for years.”

Focus on getting just 1 percent better each day; these tiny shifts compound into remarkable results over time. Want to level up your mindset? Journal for five minutes each morning. Looking to expand your network? Commit to reaching out to one new contact each week. Interested in developing your voice? Schedule 30 minutes each Friday to write or create content that reflects your perspective.

The most effective way to build these habits is to focus on who you want to become. As Clear advises, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”

If you want to be a more confident leader, prove it to yourself through consistent action. You don’t need to do it perfectly, you just need to do it.

And keep Clear’s “Two-Minute Rule” in mind: “When you start a new habit, it should take less than two minutes to do.” This makes getting started incredibly easy and paves the way for consistency. Confidence comes from consistency, not perfection.

3. Overcome imposter syndrome by taking bold action.

Imposter syndrome has a loud voice. It whispers that you’re not ready, you’re not smart enough, you’re not experienced enough. That inner self-doubt isn’t a sign to retreat, but rather a signal to act. Action silences doubt. Confidence doesn’t come first, action does.

Every time you step out of your comfort zone, you’re rewriting your internal narrative. You’re building self-trust. So, send the pitch, introduce yourself at the event, post your thoughts online. No one ever felt ready before they began.

Here are three ways to overcome imposter syndrome:

Instead of asking, Why me?, ask yourself, Why not me? Start affirming your wins instead of dismissing them.
Shift from proving to serving. When you stop trying to prove yourself and instead focus on creating value for others, your mindset shifts. You’re not performing, you’re contributing.
Celebrate small wins. Track your accomplishments, no matter how minor they might feel. Reflecting on progress builds self-trust and reinforces your value over time.

4. Redefine productivity as personal growth.

Too often we equate productivity with output. But summer is a reminder that growth doesn’t always come from working harder — it comes from working on ourselves. Not every win has to be tied to work.

Join a workshop or class, plan a solo trip, or volunteer in your community. These aren’t distractions from your professional goals: They’re how you build curiosity and emotional intelligence, which spill over into your professional life.

Give yourself permission to simply wonder this summer. Feeding your curiosity can lead to inspiration in ways you never thought imaginable.

Ask yourself these three questions:

What’s one non-work activity you could pursue this summer that would truly enrich you?
How might investing in your personal curiosity or emotional intelligence outside of work amplify your professional impact?
Beyond tasks completed, what does “feeling productive” truly mean to you, and how can you cultivate more of that feeling this summer?

When you prioritize personal development, your professional life will thank you.

5. Find your voice and use storytelling to reflect and reconnect.

Your story is one of your most powerful tools, but it’s hard to tell if you haven’t taken time to reflect. Use this season to find and craft your narrative. What experiences have shaped who you are today? What strengths have you discovered in yourself this year? What values do you want to lead with in the next season of your life? Storytelling can help you make sense of your own journey. Your voice gets stronger the more you use it. The most important story you tell is the story you tell yourself.

Summer is more than a break: It’s a bridge. This is a time to explore who you’re becoming, try on new ideas, and build confidence through intentional discomfort. You don’t have to do everything, but do something. Because when fall arrives, you won’t just be ready, you’ll be renewed.

Now’s the time to find your voice and step into small growth with big intention.

So, here’s your challenge for the rest of summer: Act before you feel ready, block time for your growth like you do for your meetings, build the habits that will serve your future self, share your story — someone needs to hear it — and get comfortable being seen.

Bold confidence isn’t found; it’s built. One small step at a time.

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The Many Benefits of Spontaneity — and How to Cultivate More of It

Experience Life Staff — Wed, 02 Jul 2025 12:00:49 +0000

The rules of danger tennis are simple: Hit the ball as hard as you can, and don’t worry about whether it lands in or out. Just swing.

A friend of mine invented danger tennis after noticing during routine matches that our play often became hesitant, tight. We were trying to win points — or at least not lose them — and so our swings and shot placement had become overly cautious.

Switching to danger tennis made the tension magically dissolve. Shoulders relaxed and wrists loose, we could swing as hard as we wanted, and, amazingly, the ball never went out. Crushing forehands and elegant backhands simply flowed off our rackets. We decided we should just play danger tennis all the time.

If only. It turns out you can’t just turn danger tennis on when you need it. Introduce points, spectators, or extraneous thoughts of any kind, and the tension and tics come flooding back.

Like the butterfly of happiness that alights in your hand only if you are not trying to catch it, danger tennis comes only to those who don’t pursue it.

Dating is the same. During my early 20s, I would try hard to convey my own attractive coolness by lingering at coffeehouses with dense volumes of classical Chinese literature casually left open on my table and my motorcycle helmet clearly visible on the seat beside me.

I read ancient Chinese. I ride a motorcycle. Stop and talk to me.

Without exception, the women of San Francisco walked on. My desperate attempts to seem desirable kept me celibate until an intense shift at my restaurant job one evening left me so spent that I managed to stumble into a drought-ending date — one that happened only because I wasn’t trying to make it happen.

Effortless tennis and romantic appeal are not the only goals in life that elude direct, effortful pursuit. Creative insight, humor, trust — even something as basic as sleep — are all things that cannot be forced. The only way to get them is to not chase them directly. You have to try not to try.

Easier said than done. But possible.

We experience wu-wei when we are in contact with things that matter to us.

What Is Wu-Wei?

The paradox involved in trying not to try obsessed the early Chinese thinkers I spent the first years of my career studying. Daoist or Confucian, they all shared the spiritual ideal of wu-wei, or “effortless action.”

Wu-wei is a state of mind where you lose the sense of yourself as an agent and are completely absorbed in what you are doing. You are spontaneous, unselfconscious, and relaxed. As a result, you move through the world with perfect ease, which often amounts to greater success in everything you do.

It thus resembles the idea of flow — a state attained when you stop feeling the effort of a task or activity and lose track of the passage of time. Yet wu-wei is a broader and, in my view, more helpful concept.

Flow, as defined and popularized by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, PhD, demands experiences in which the difficulty and complexity are constantly ramped up. As your skill improves, you require more challenging situations to experience flow so you don’t become bored. Yet, if an activity is too hard, you’ll become frustrated.

Csikszentmihalyi was emphatic about distinguishing true flow from fake versions. Vegging out in front of the TV or getting lost in social media can provide some of flow’s hallmarks, such as loss of self and not noticing the passage of time. Still, these experiences tend to leave us enervated and depressed, not satisfied and relaxed. Doomscrolling is absorbing, but it isn’t flow.

At the same time, there’s a problem with defining true flow in terms of complexity and challenge. While this description fits certain activities, like rock climbing or competitive tennis, it fails to capture the true flow experiences of most people.

This is where wu-wei comes into play. For the early Chinese, the defining feature of wu-wei was that it involved a person living in harmony with the metaphysical order of the universe, which they called “the Way” or “the Dao.”

The equivalent, for modern Westerners who might not believe in a supernatural Way, would be the experience of becoming absorbed in something that is both bigger than you and valuable in your eyes.

That second part is key.

We get into wu-wei when playing with our toddlers because we love them and value spending time with them, not because sitting cross-legged on the floor attending a tea party of stuffed animals is inherently challenging or complex.

We emerge from weeding the garden feeling satisfied and fulfilled because we feel that contact with nature — with growing, living things — is meaningful, and because we take pleasure in our healthy flowers and vegetables getting to spread their roots and breathe freely.

We experience wu-wei when we are in contact with things that matter to us.

On Not Trying

Great. So, find something that you value. Become absorbed in it. Success and pleasure will follow.

The problem with this advice is that our conscious minds have a habit of getting in the way of spontaneity. The trick of wu-wei is that you can obtain it only if you are not actively trying to do so.

An early Daoist text, the Zhuangzi, has a passage highlighting this tension:

“If you’re betting for pottery tiles in an archery contest, you are perfectly skillful. Raise the stakes to belt buckles and you begin to worry about your aim. Start betting for gold and you’re a complete wreck — you can no longer shoot straight. Your skill is the same in all three cases, but your greed causes you to focus on the external prize. As a general rule, those who value what is on the outside become clumsy on the inside.”

The only way to win the gold is to not want to win the gold. You need to relax into your body and be absorbed completely into the flow of the sport itself, giving your skill space to do its thing. You need to let this activity, one you value for its own sake, take control.

But it’s hard not to think about the gold!

The reason that the fluid, powerful backhands of danger tennis turn into tense, clumsy volleys when playing a regular match is that one is valuing what is on the outside and thereby failing to enter wu-wei.

This is true of both physical and social skills. For the early Chinese, the most important feature of wu-wei was not that it allowed them to shoot well in archery but that it allowed them to win the hearts and minds of other people and move through the social world with effortless ease. People in wu-wei were thought to acquire a charismatic power to attract and influence others.

In contemporary terms, this charisma is what successful politicians possess in abundance and what people trying too hard to find a date — like I did in my early 20s — decidedly lack. You can’t acquire charisma through effort or force of will.

Someone who is trying too hard to be charming is not charming; rather, they seem inauthentic. The only way to avoid this is to engage with the social situation, genuinely listen to the people around you, speak when you have something to say, and remain silent when you don’t. Smile when something is funny, and don’t force it.

The description of the “True Person” in the Zhuangzi portrays this ideal perfectly:

“The True Person of ancient times was proper without being partisan and could ask for help without being obsequious. They were humble without making a display of their humility. Relaxed and at ease, they appeared happy; when they acted, they simply did whatever the situation demanded. Their accumulated attractiveness drew people’s eyes to them; they abided with no ulterior motive, but no one doubted their virtue.”

The incredible amount of information at our fingertips extinguishes the opportunity for spontaneous wandering and chance discoveries.

Effortless Action

So, what do you do if you are not yet a True Person but want to be one? How do you simply “abide,” like The Dude in The Big Lebowski, when in fact you are wracked by social anxiety and desperately want to be liked?

There is no definitive answer, because the problem of trying not to try is a genuine cognitive paradox grounded in the basic structure of the human brain. When you consciously try to relax, you activate the very part of the brain that you want to shut down.

It is like the famous white bear paradox studied by the psychologist Daniel Wegner: If you’re told not to think of a white bear, you will, because the concept has just been activated in your mind. The brain is structured in such a way as to make it impossible to consciously try not to try.

Early Chinese philosophical responses to this paradox varied. Some thinkers proposed practices that might eventually trick you into wu-wei, like counting sheep so you’ll stop worrying about falling asleep. Others focused more on lulling the mind through the body, advocating breathing exercises or sitting in a particular way.

Their crucial shared insight was that spontaneity can only be pursued indirectly. You can create a space for it to come, but you can’t directly pursue it or try to grab it.

More generally, these philosophers recognized that we cannot be fully happy or accomplished human beings unless we embrace this conundrum. We need to learn how to stop pushing when effort is counterproductive.

This ancient paradox provides an urgent insight for us today. Our modern world is built on striving and micromanagement. Over the last decade or so, smartphones and social media have made things immeasurably worse for our peace of mind.

We used to get a little mental downtime as we walked from place to place or stood waiting for a bus. Now even that small island of wu-wei has been squeezed out by a firehose of incessant videos and posts and likes and alerts.

The incredible amount of information at our fingertips extinguishes the opportunity for spontaneous wandering and chance discoveries. Rather than exploring a new place on foot, we read endless reviews of hotels and restaurants and try to maximize every experience.

We are all too often like tennis players anxiously trying to place their shots, overthinking things, cautious and ineffective — and not having much fun.

We have a choice about whether to continue laboring on the treadmill of fruitless effort. We can also choose to step off that treadmill and into the unknown.

Room for Wu-Wei

To my thinking, we could all use a bit more danger tennis in our lives. Of course, if we try too hard, spontaneity will elude us, but this doesn’t leave us helpless. There are ways to make space for spontaneity — or at least to avoid scaring it off.

Recently my partner and I were in Texas, dealing with a challenging family health crisis. We needed a break from sitting in the hospital room and decided to go out for a drink before dinner. My partner got on Yelp to look at reviews of nearby bars but then stopped herself. “Danger tennis!” she said, and I knew immediately what she meant.

We headed to a sketchy but intriguing bar that we’d spotted during the drive to the hospital. It had a faux stone facade, like a castle, and was wedged between a Dunkin’ and a couple of vacant storefronts in a strip mall.

The interior was dark, with a faintly unpleasant odor. We proceeded to get two perfectly acceptable drinks for 10 bucks, win the round of the trivia contest that was in full swing when we arrived, and chat enjoyably with some colorful locals. It was a wonderful time. Yelp would have led us to the bar at the local franchise of a chain Italian restaurant.

Chalk up a win for danger tennis.

This is how cultivating wu-wei looks in daily life: Take a random walk in the woods. Step away from banging your head against writer’s block and have a beer, or play some foosball, or weed the garden or neglected window box.

Send your kids out on their bikes to figure out what to do between now and dinner. Turn and chat with a stranger on the bus instead of staring at your phone. They may be startled and call the police, but then again they may not. Either way, you’ll have done your part to support a comeback for spontaneous conversations.

Another early Daoist text, the Laozi, advises, “Be wu-wei (literally ‘do nothing’), and nothing will be left undone.”

In many areas of life, this turns out to be pretty good advice. We have a choice about whether to continue laboring on the treadmill of fruitless effort. We can also choose to step off that treadmill and into the unknown.

This article originally appeared as “Trying Not to Try” in the July/August 2025 issue of Experience Life.

The post The Many Benefits of Spontaneity — and How to Cultivate More of It appeared first on Experience Life.

How Long-Distance Runner Kara Goucher Reclaimed Her Power

Jill Metzler Patton — Wed, 25 Jun 2025 13:01:24 +0000

From the outside, it seemed that American long-distance runner Kara Goucher was on top of the world. After medaling at the 2007 World Championships in Osaka, securing her place on the 2008 U.S. Olympic team, and finishing top three at the New York City Marathon, Goucher was at her career peak.

She was part of the Oregon Project, an elite, Nike-sponsored professional training team coached by running legend Alberto Salazar. Her image appeared on billboards, in malls, and on the sides of buses all over the United States.

Behind the scenes, though, Goucher was suffering emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of Salazar, which left her isolated and afraid. She was also witnessing the questionable if not outright illegal use of medications and other substances by certain teammates, directed by Salazar and other Oregon Project staff.

When she and her husband (also a former Oregon Project athlete) decided to start a family, she was assured by Nike executives that her contract would be secure during her pregnancy as long as she stayed “relevant” by participating in media interviews, photo shoots, and other events. Yet Nike suspended her pay due to what they termed her “medical condition” that kept her from competing.

It would take years for Goucher to summon the courage to speak out about her own abuse and the doping she observed. Her testimonies against Salazar and Nike between 2018 and 2021 — first to the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) and then to the U.S. Center for SafeSport, regarding sexual and emotional misconduct — contributed to Salazar’s lifetime ban from coaching USA Track and Field athletics. She tells her story in a 2023 memoir, The Longest Race.

Now 46, Goucher is retired from racing but serves on the board of the USADA and as a commentator for distance running for NBC Sports. She also hosts the Nobody Asked Us podcast with fellow runner Des Linden, on which the duo discuss “all things running.”

We caught up with Goucher to learn more about her journey from elite competitor to advocate for women athletes and clean sport.

Q&A With Kara Goucher

Experience Life | In your book, you describe struggles with self-confidence going back to high school — and how that left you vulnerable as a young athlete at the Oregon Project.

Kara Goucher| From a young age, I was really driven and a bit of a perfectionist, but I never was the best at anything. The term “imposter syndrome” wasn’t something we talked about then, but that was me to a T. I’d line up on the start line and think, I’m fooling everyone that I belong here.

The Oregon Project was a men’s team, and at first I thought I should just be grateful to be there. We had unlimited resources from Nike, and it was intoxicating to be part of that group, to have that exclusivity.

Because my dad died when I was very young, I was always looking for some sort of male guidance in my life, and I turned to Alberto. I also had the ability to push away things that hurt me, whether physically or emotionally. All of this set me up to be taken advantage of.

EL | Yet you overcame your fears to tell your story on a very public stage. How did you build up the courage to do this?

KG | It was a slow burn, finally deciding to testify against Alberto for USADA’s investigation and then for SafeSport. What drove me to write the book, though, was that there were high-profile people writing about me who spoke with authority against me but who had never met me. I was never quoted. I was never asked.

I got so frustrated that the story being told about me wasn’t real. I wanted to tell my story where nobody could cut me off. I wanted it in my own words so I could move on and have peace.

EL | Your family wasn’t aware of the abuse until you decided to blow the whistle. As you look back, what did you learn from this experience?

KG | My family loved me before I ran, and they love me just as much now, when I don’t run [competitively]. I think I wanted to protect them from what was happening because I knew how much they just wanted me to be happy.

I’ve learned that when you’re all in on something, whether it’s your job, sport, music, or whatever, sometimes you lose track of who you are. When you’re lying on your deathbed, you’re no longer a runner or a musician — that’s just something you pursued and worked at. You’re all the moments in between with your family, all the memories with your friends who showed up for you and who you showed up for. That’s who you truly are.

EL | You have written and spoken about the role of therapy in your life. How has therapy helped you heal?

KG | It’s so important to be able to be vulnerable enough to talk about things. My husband and I have been in marriage counseling, not because we want a divorce but because so many things happened to us, and it’s helpful to talk about them with a neutral party. There’s so much power in releasing things that feel like secrets, that you’re ashamed of, that you feel embarrassed about. Releasing these in safe spaces gets rid of the power they have on you, and you start to regain your own power.

EL | In 2022, you were diagnosed with focal dystonia [a neurological movement disorder that causes involuntary muscle reactions] in your lower left leg. How are you doing?

KG | I have repetitive movement dystonia, which means my brain wires sometimes get tripped up. When I do a motion I’ve done repeatedly, like running, instead of just contracting the muscles I need to do that motion, every muscle from my knee down contracts.

It’s been hard because running has been my release. Sometimes I even have problems walking, and I have to use a cane on days when it’s really bad. I get Botox treatments four times a year, which helps. Today was a good day: I met a friend to run three miles, and we ended up running seven. When I have days that are good, I take advantage of them.

EL | Over your career, you have put yourself out there as an elite athlete, an author, a commentator, a podcaster, and an advocate for clean sport. How do you see yourself now?

KG | I never saw myself as a leader, but I think there is a kind of quiet leadership that comes with being comfortable with who you are, with taking risks, and with doing something outside the structure you’ve always been in. I think that’s where I am in my life now — I’m exploring things I like, and I’m not trying to be perfect. Some things have been great, and some things haven’t been. I just want to be who I am, and it’s a really nice place to be in my life.

Running the Long Race

With Olympian Kara Goucher

This article originally appeared as “Running Strong” in the July/August 2025 issue of Experience Life. Photographer: Andy Anderson.

The post How Long-Distance Runner Kara Goucher Reclaimed Her Power appeared first on Experience Life.

In Search of Glimmers: How Micromoments of Awe Can Boost Your Mood

Jessie Sholl — Fri, 20 Jun 2025 13:01:06 +0000

You’ve likely heard of triggers — words, events, or experiences that spark fear or anxiety — but have you heard of their opposite? “Glimmers” are micromoments of joy that make you feel safe and connected to your body and the world around you.

The concept was introduced by social worker Deb Dana, LCSW, in her 2018 book The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy. “Glimmers,” she writes, “can help calm a nervous system in survival mode and bring a return of autonomic regulation.”

In other words, they can move you out of a stressed, triggered state and into a calmer one.

You might experience a glimmer when you hear a song you love. Or while you’re out exploring nature. Perhaps it’s seeing your dog wagging his tail when you come home, receiving a long hug from a loved one, or even eating a perfect piece of sushi. Anything that gives you a cozy, peaceful feeling can be a glimmer.

Liz Brinkman, RDN, a certified intuitive-eating counselor in Phoenix, teaches the concept of glimmers to her patients who have developed patterns of disordered eating. She finds glimmers useful in her own life as well and describes the feeling they elicit as a calming warmth in her heart area. “My whole system feels a sense of ease,” she says.

Though glimmers are abundant, they’re more evasive than triggers. That’s because our brains are wired to continuously scan our surroundings for threats. “It’s a survival mechanism that’s built into our brains — the negativity bias,” explains Justine Grosso, PsyD, a holistic psychologist in Durham, N.C.

Sensing danger can be dangerous in its own way: When you feel threatened, your body releases adrenaline into the bloodstream, increasing your blood pressure. If the sense of threat lingers, cortisol levels rise to keep the body on high alert. Over time, these effects can contribute to other health complications, including gastrointestinal issues and sleep problems.

“And if you’ve experienced trauma,” Grosso adds, “you may have developed a hypervigilance to threat and may even perceive a threat when there isn’t one. That’s really stressful on bodies.”

But glimmers can counteract that stress response — and the more glimmers we experience, the easier it is for us to downshift when we’re triggered. That’s due to something called “the window of tolerance,” Grosso says.

The window of tolerance is the space in which we’re able to successfully regulate our emotions. People with a history of trauma tend to have a narrow window of tolerance and may live in the state of hyperarousal that Grosso describes.

Actively seeking glimmers widens the window of tolerance, training our brains to keep an eye out for joy instead of (or in addition to) danger. This helps us build a more resilient nervous system, so we feel triggered for a shorter amount of time and the experience becomes less intense.

Those resilience-building effects last. “We’re banking positive emotional experiences and pleasant sensations that represent safety instead of threat,” Grosso explains.

These are some of the easiest ways to seek and spot glimmers so you can take in their calming effects.

( 1 )

GET SUPPORT

When you first begin seeking glimmers, it can be helpful to have a glimmer-focused talk with a like-minded friend or family member. In some cases, working with a therapist could be the most effective approach.

A therapist can be especially helpful for people with a history of trauma or PTSD, Brinkman notes. When she worked at a Veterans Affairs hospital, one of the therapists there would ask people to imagine holding a pet. A feeling of calm would come over them as they visualized petting the animal and feeling its purring or rhythmic breathing.

“She invited them into an experience they already had,” Brinkman says, “to see if they could access that same sense of calm inside themselves again.”

( 2 )

WRITE THEM DOWN

The Book of Delights, a series of short essays by award-winning poet Ross Gay, is an exercise in glimmer-seeking. Gay finds joy in little things — pecans, an infinity scarf, poetry readings — and allows the reader to relish them as well. (Learn more about his year of chronicling joy at “The Book of Delights.”)

Gay’s collection also functions as a guidebook: Writing in a journal is a useful way to sort out your thoughts, helping you winnow them down to the heart of any matter. On lucky days, this could result in a glimmer. Keep a list of the moments that make you feel calm and joyful, using as much detail as possible when describing them so you can easily access the feeling later.

You might also try keeping a sensory notebook. The key here is to incorporate as many of your senses as possible. What was the most glimmery thing you saw, touched, tasted, smelled, or heard that day? Linger in the memory to be sure you’re embodying the feeling as you recall it. (Get more tips for sharpening your senses at “Come to Your Senses: Sensory Retreats.”)

( 3 )

TAKE AN AWE WALK

A study published in the journal Emotion in 2022 investigated the emotional benefits of an “awe walk” on healthy older adults. Sixty participants took weekly 15-minute outdoor walks for eight weeks. An experimental group was directed to notice and experience moments of awe (which are also glimmers) during their walks; a control group was not.

Those who took awe walks reported feeling greater joy and other positive emotions during their strolls. They also reported more daily positive emotions and less daily distress afterward. (Discover more ways to experience awe at “How to Experience More Awe.”)

You might take an awe walk while forest bathing — a Japanese practice that involves fully immersing your senses in a quiet outdoor setting — for an extra dose of mood support. (Learn how reconnecting with nature can offer a range of health benefits at “The Benefits of Forest Bathing.”)

( 4 )

CREATE A RITUAL

Each evening, Brinkman and her family discuss the glimmers they experienced that day. “I was talking to one of my sons the other night,” she recalls, “and I asked him what the best part of his day was. He said, ‘I got this really cool drink of water, and I could feel it go all the way down my throat, into my stomach, and it felt so good.’ That’s a glimmer.”

You can also attach glimmer-seeking to an activity you’re already doing. Try looking around your kitchen while your coffee brews in the morning: Is there art on the wall that delights you? Maybe you notice the sunshine streaming through the window, or an eye-catching array of green plants.

Or at the end of the day, while you’re brushing your teeth, review the day’s events and linger over any glimmers you may have encountered.

Reflecting on glimmers can impart the same feelings of well-being as experiencing them in the moment. This is especially true when you’re able to recall the physical and sensory details. Give yourself the time and space to move beyond the visual or aural memory and try to actually feel it in your body. “It’s the opposite of dissociating,” Brinkman explains. “Instead, I’m staying in relationship with my body — feeling present and connected in the moment.”

( 5 )

KEEP IT REAL

Nothing is perfect, and pretending an experience is perfect defeats the purpose of glimmer-seeking. Finding moments of joy doesn’t mean bypassing reality. Instead, Grosso says, “it’s about becoming present to the full spectrum of what’s happening in the present moment.”

Glimmers can be paradoxical, in that they sometimes come with a side of grief. “Because glimmers send the message to our brain that we’re safe now, we might grieve a time when we weren’t,” she explains. It can be painful to recognize that past trauma, but it can also be healing to acknowledge it from a place of calm and safety.

Balance

Explore more empowering strategies to support your efforts to live in (closer) alignment with your values at our Balance department.

The post In Search of Glimmers: How Micromoments of Awe Can Boost Your Mood appeared first on Experience Life.

How Gastric Bypass Surgery Transformed One Woman’s Life

Experience Life Staff — Wed, 26 Mar 2025 12:00:12 +0000

See Angela’s Top 3 Takeaways

As I bring my hands to my heart center, I take a long, deep breath and look at everyone who chose to join my class. I exhale and bow my head forward as a gesture of gratitude for each person in attendance.

It’s the summer of 2010. I’m teaching one of my first yoga classes — sharing space, breath, and energy with the wonderful people in the room — when it suddenly hits me how much yoga hasn’t just changed my body; it’s changed my life. Through yoga, I’ve built muscle, yes, but I’ve also forged a stronger connection with myself, the people I love, and a wider community.

It has taken a lot to get here.

A Desire for Control

When my career in human resources began, it accelerated quickly. By 2002, I was traveling a lot, often sharing devastating news that changed people’s lives. Holding on to information, such as who was getting let go or who wouldn’t receive a bonus, was often mentally and emotionally taxing. It was also something I couldn’t control.

What I believed I could control in my life was food. I loved having unequivocal authority over what I ate, when I ate, and how much I ate. I spent many hours brainstorming the most satisfying or indulgent meal that would give me comfort, satiation, and satisfaction.

I also had my eating buddies. These were people I met up with to gorge on food at restaurants or in my home. We would order a smorgasbord of nine or 10 things and devour it all, even if it took us three hours. Even if we were already full.

It was an odd contradiction. At the time, I thought I had control over food, but it’s now clear that food had control over me.

I thought I had control over food, but it’s now clear that food had control over me.

After one of these sessions, in 2003, one of my eating buddies mentioned that she was considering gastric bypass surgery. She decided not to attend the presurgery consultation and asked me to fill in and report back. She eventually determined she wasn’t interested, but I certainly was.

Around that time, I’d noticed that my lifestyle choices were affecting my toddler son and 8-year-old daughter. It wasn’t just that they were learning from my bad habits; my daughter was also “working” for me, grabbing bottles, toys, or diapers so I wouldn’t have to move from my favorite spot on the couch.

I thought about how I’d like to take them to the beach and be more involved in their fun, rather than relax in one spot. I wanted us to live life to the fullest — jump in the ocean, play catch, and things like that. If I wanted to participate with my kids, I had to lead a healthier life.

The surgery would help me create a better relationship with food and encourage more movement and activity. In addition to weight loss, gastric bypass surgery has been associated with reduced food cravings and food noise — intrusive thoughts about food. I was confident this would all help me kick-start a healthier lifestyle.

No Sweat … Yet!

I had surgery on April 7, 2004. Gastric bypass surgery is generally safe, but it’s a major procedure. It takes weeks to months before you can reintroduce certain foods and fully engage in higher levels of activity.

After the procedure, my stomach could only hold a small amount of anything. I started with liquids, slowly working up to small portions of healthy food. As I introduced foods back into my diet, I documented how things made me feel: Protein shakes made with water or warmed into a soup, finely ground beef, and raw tomatoes were great. Chicken, anything creamy, and cooked tomatoes (at first), were not.

I was rigorous about making sure I had enough water, protein, and other nutrients in my diet, and I didn’t experience too many cravings — though I longed for Fritos from time to time. But after my surgery, I enjoyed treats only on special occasions and in moderation.

I had a tremendous amount of support from my family, friends, and coworkers who kept me on track and accountable. I would get my Fritos, but I limited myself to eight per day if I had them, and then the little bag was stapled shut and returned to my colleague’s locked desk drawer.

Over time, I found that the food noise had quieted, and I was feeling more present in my life. I had more energy each day. So, the next change was embracing movement. I was ready to get active, but I didn’t want to sweat, and I didn’t want to exercise outside. It sounds a bit dramatic, but who wants to get all sticky and stinky and wash their hair twice a day?

When I saw an ad for a free yoga class, it seemed perfect. At the class, I was certain I looked like a jerky marionette puppet, trying to follow along as the teacher guided us from one beautiful shape to another. Afterward, she smiled at me and said, “You did really well, but you might want to try our beginners’ class.”

I did just that, and I noticed that I felt more relaxed, connected, and peaceful after practicing yoga. I also didn’t sweat — yet.

Then, just like my career, my passion for yoga took off. I practiced nearly every day. I had found a space that welcomed me in all facets and forms, and I was stronger and more present — not just in the studio but in my relationships as well. I even started embracing the sweat when it came because I believed it meant I was doing something right.

While my husband was at the gym, my son would often join me in class, sleeping with an eye mask until it was time for the “fun” poses, like standing on your head. My daughter took belly dance classes offered at the studio. The family dynamic that I’d dreamed of was coming to fruition.

Changing Poses

In early 2010, I left my job to take a six-month yoga teacher training course. I intended to return to work after completing the course, but before I graduated, I was offered a teaching opportunity at the first studio I practiced in. I committed to my passion and was teaching my own classes by July. My lifestyle had changed; working a high-pressure corporate job no longer aligned with the healing I wanted to bring to the world.

That August, I went to a yoga audition at Life Time. I was one of the least experienced people there, but I laid it all on the line. My story and teaching skills resonated with the group — and that’s where the next chapter began.

So many amazing things have happened since I was hired at Life Time. In addition to doing work I love, I’ve become codirector of Life Time’s BIPOC Network and part of the Inclusion Core Council. It means a lot to know that I’m helping ensure the company and its programming are as inclusive as possible. Outside of Life Time, I’ve taught yoga at facilities across the country, led classes for iconic brands, like Under Armour, and given lectures at universities and yoga companies.

Today, I’m 51, feeling better than ever, and enjoying my years of glitter. Without food noise occupying most of my brain space, I’ve been able to participate more fully in my life and relationships. I’ve embraced my new nickname, GrAngela, as I focus on being an amazing grandma. And the best part is that the important things remain constant, like my quirkiness, belly laughs, and love for my family.

My yoga and gastric bypass surgery journey has taken my life in a beautiful direction that allows me to share my love of movement and my story. Moving forward, I expect to continue creating spaces where people from all walks of life feel welcome, seen, and empowered. Spaces where they know they’ll receive support, advocacy, and healing.

And these days, when I go to the beach with my family, you’d better believe I’m playing with the kids and getting in the water!

Angela’s Top 3 Takeaways

Keep up with your screenings. People can be healthy at every size, but it’s important to keep on top of your health. Before surgery, I had never really explored my challenges with weight, and I’m grateful there were no bigger health issues going on — like diabetes or heart failure.
Create your own lifestyle. You get to decide what your healthy lifestyle looks like. Explore what type of movement brings you joy and don’t worry about what anyone else is doing. Put achievable boundaries around treats. Maybe you only indulge in cake when it’s an actual birthday, or you limit drinking to special occasions.
Get ready for forever. Living in a new, healthier way has no end point. You will face challenges along the way, be it with eating, your mindset, or your motivation, but the key is that you wake up the next day and try to be better.

My Turnaround

For more real-life success stories of people who have embraced healthy behaviors and changed their lives, visit our My Turnaround department.

Tell Us Your Story!
Have a transformational healthy-living tale of your own? Share it with us!

The post How Gastric Bypass Surgery Transformed One Woman’s Life appeared first on Experience Life.