If you’re a parent, you’ve likely taught your kids to brush their teeth and eat their veggies. But have you talked with them about saving for a rainy day?

“Financial literacy” refers to the skills and knowledge that enable us to manage our money effectively. Teaching kids sound monetary habits from an early age sets them up to make smart, confident financial decisions as they grow — and can improve their overall well-being.

The No. 1 source of stress in many people’s lives is money, says Tim Ranzetta, ­cofounder of Next Gen Personal Finance, which provides personal finance curriculum and professional development for ­teachers. He notes that giving kids a sense of control over money can enhance their long-term emotional health.

Those effects extend beyond their bank accounts. A study published in 2021 found that children who learn money skills, like budgeting and saving, are more likely to maintain those habits in adulthood — and have stronger romantic relationships, too.

Fortunately, you don’t need to be a finance expert or solve your own money issues to teach your kids healthy habits. “Start before you feel comfortable,” advises Linda Matthew, owner of MoneyMindful Personal Finance Coaching. “Don’t wait until you have it all together.”

Money Lessons for Every Age

It’s almost never too early to teach kids about money — nor is it ever too late. The main objective is to give them opportunities to gain knowledge and skills in a low-stakes environment.

Personal finance is a tough topic. When we share our money life with a partner or spouse, the complicated dynamics of close relationships come into play, and we can experience even greater stress. Differences between partners in income, debt burden, attitudes toward spending and saving, and other factors can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and resentment.

They may even bring about “financial infidelity” — hiding money-related behaviors and issues from partners — a form of unfaithfulness that can be as devastating to a relationship as a sexual affair.

Psychotherapist Thomas Faupl, LMFT, SEP, offers some guidance to couples for whom sharing money is a source, or potential source, of relationship strain. Based in San Francisco, he’s a practitioner of financial therapy, where the focus is on a person’s core beliefs, behaviors, emotions, and interpersonal relationships concerning money.

Stress Source

You and your partner have different attitudes and habits concerning money. Perhaps one partner is comfortable managing money and the other is not. “One is a saver, the other a spender. These differences come up in relationships, and why? Because opposites attract!” Faupl notes, adding that while being opposites can make a relationship more exciting, those differences are also where people often get stuck.

You and your partner have significantly different financial histories, incomes, or earning potential. If one partner has a high-paying job, a significant inheritance, and no debt, and the other has student loans and a modest income, the couple may be uncertain of how to establish equitable ground rules for sharing financial responsibilities.

You’re worried about how financial issues will affect the dynamics of the relationship. “Money questions can bring up major power issues,” says Faupl. “Like, Who has control? Who has veto power? So how do you have a financial partnership that’s equitable for both partners?”

You are anxious about trusting another person with your financial affairs. “Money is a primal issue for a lot of us,” says Faupl. “Some people really treasure their ability to control their finances, all by themselves.”

You don’t know how, and on what terms, to start the shared-money conversation. You may feel so anxious about money matters in general, and sharing finances in particular, that you anticipate awkwardness or conflict in the discussion. So how should you approach it?

You’re not certain what financial sharing should entail. Should the two of you have a joint account or separate accounts? Do you merge everything or keep certain things separate? “All these questions need to be navigated,” Faupl says.

Strategies for Success

Think of discussing money as a way to find out more about your partner and yourself. Rather than holding tightly to set ideas and trying to convert your partner to your point of view — an approach that almost always guarantees conflict — Faupl advises seeing money discussions as inquiries and opportunities for greater intimacy.

“Couples can agree that they’re going to explore this issue as a way to get to know each other on a different level,” he says. “I encourage couples to have an inquisitive approach to their relationship with money, and to ask, ‘How do we become a good financial team?’”

Because the use of money is so intimately tied to what we consider important in our lives, discussing it opens a precious window into the values and priorities of both partners, he points out.

Strive for a compassionate understanding of your partner’s point of view. “Whether a person is a spender or a saver by inclination, or whether they know how to manage money or don’t, they are trying to bring parts of themselves to the money relationship that they think are important and of value,” Faupl says. “It’s really wise to explore where you can have empathy for what your partner is trying to contribute, whether that is more care and frugality, more spontaneity and fun, or whatever. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with what they’re trying to do, but you can communicate to your partner that you really are trying to hear them and to see their perspective on money.”

Start the discussions as early as possible. Faupl recommends proactively communicating about money issues and financial values. The discussion can start as you begin to get serious about each other, even before a definite commitment, he says. “An early discussion is so much better than waiting until a crisis — until one partner says, ‘What on earth is this credit-card charge for?’”

On the other hand, Faupl adds, it’s never too late to begin talking to avoid a buildup of resentment and anger, which could result in an impasse in communications.

Discuss goals. “Once you and your partner have been honest and clear with each other about your values, then you can move to the more granular level,” Faupl says. What does your financial future look like? Do you need to save to make home repairs, to put kids through college, or to retire?

Set up a specific structure. “Next, it’s important to decide on a structure that you both agree on,” explains Faupl. “It might involve choosing a particular budgeting-software system or other method of keeping records. It might be a joint account, individual accounts, or a combination. Some couples merge everything; that’s something I see in older couples, and in some younger ones too. But if you’re going to put everything in one pot, you’d better have some clear agreements up front!”

Consider a combo shared-and-­individual plan. A setup that works for many couples, Faupl notes, is a joint account plus individual accounts. To accommodate differences in income, couples can establish a proportional split in contributions to the joint account.

With the individual accounts, there can be an agreement that each partner will inform the other when they’re planning personal spending in excess of an agreed-upon amount. “That way,” he says, “a new Lexus doesn’t appear in the driveway as a total surprise to the other partner.”

Make records and share them. Faupl underlines the importance of writing down your basic financial plans and sharing your records with one another, so there is something to refer to when disagreements arise. “One thing that really trips couples up is when they’re arguing about money and there’s no spending and savings plan document that has the numbers down in black and white,” he says. “The argument becomes nothing more than a battle between different perceptions about what’s happening.”

Regularly schedule your money meetings. It’s important to establish a schedule of money meetings — Faupl advises meeting once a week to start — so you don’t drift into conflicting perceptions about what’s happening.

Seek outside support. Couples can also spend time capitalizing on the wealth of available financial-education resources by taking a class, tuning in to a webinar, listening to a podcast, or reading a book or articles.

And if couples are having a hard time or feeling like they aren’t making progress, Faupl recommends reaching out for help. “Because there is help out there,” he says. “The field of financial therapy is developing rapidly and it can create a safe space for couples to work through these issues.”

He notes that many couples, especially younger ones early on in a relationship, come to him for guidance about money matters well before problems arise.

This article originally appeared as “Invest in Financial Intimacy” in the November/December 2023 issue of Experience Life.

Inflation is often felt most intensely in the kitchen. By the end of 2022, we had all witnessed grocery prices rise by an average of about 12 percent over the previous 12 months, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. And some staple foods rose even higher: The price of milk climbed 12.5 percent; flour, 23.4 percent; and eggs, 59.9 percent.

This can leave those of us committed to healthy eating with plenty of questions: Will we need to give up healthy grocery options, which are often pricey? Or can healthy also be affordable? What nutritional value are we getting when we buy a given food at a given price? Can we adjust our expectations about what food should cost?

Paul Kriegler, RDN, LDN, Life Time’s director of nutritional products, has some suggestions, along with tips for inflation-proofing your healthy-eating goals.

Stress Sources

• Grocery money just doesn’t go as far as it used to. We may be accustomed to buying relatively inexpensive groceries, and the fact that food is now eating up more of our budget may cause feelings of resentment and anxiety.
• It feels like healthy food has become a luxury we can’t justify. Healthier food has the reputation of being pricey. Because organic produce is usually more expensive than nonorganic, for example, should we buy conventional for the sake of saving some money? What about high-quality protein, like grassfed beef or free-range chicken?
• Trying to balance health and cost is confusing. There must be ways, we think, to keep from “surrendering” to cheap, filling, unhealthy meal options while still keeping our grocery costs reasonable. But what are these solutions, and are they realistic?

Strategies for Success

1. Experiment. It’s easy to think of rising grocery costs as a struggle, Kriegler admits. But he suggests that we instead choose to see inflationary pressure as an interesting opportunity to try out new strategies in the kitchen, like meal planning, trying new foods, and being more mindful about food waste.

2. Reconsider other expenses. “When I coach someone on improving their nutrition,” Kriegler says, “I ask them to write down the three things they spend the most on that are making it harder to reach their goals.” Is it possible for you to reallocate that money?

Even small shifts can make a difference over time, he notes. “How about that daily $5 latte at the coffee shop? Letting it go or brewing coffee at home can add money to your healthy-grocery fund.”

3. Prioritize protein. Accept the fact that healthy eating involves purchasing some relatively expensive foods. So, where should we direct our dollars to make the most of what we can afford?

“It makes sense to center your meals around what’s going to do the best job of keeping you full,” Kriegler says. “That’s protein, which is also the highest-cost component of the meal.”

Organic, pasture-raised meat and eggs are some of the pricier selections at the supermarket, “but they’re some of the most nutrient-dense foods you can eat,” he explains. “They’re highly satiating, so they manage your hunger better than almost anything else in the grocery store.”

Plant-based proteins — think beans, lentils, and whole grains — are often less expensive than animal products. And aside from saving you dough, they can confer a host of other health benefits. (Learn more about the protein power of plants at “How to Get Enough Protein From a Plant-Based Diet.”)

4. Fill up on produce. You can make healthy, frugal meals with high-quality protein, especially if you round out the meal with less-expensive vegetables and fruits. “You could have three eggs with salsa for breakfast, along with a banana,” Kriegler says. “That’s going to come in under $2.50, even if you’re buying pasture-raised eggs for $7 a carton. The nutrient density and the satiety of your meals can be very high, even at a relatively low cost.”

Many vegetables and fruits are also excellent sources of dietary fiber, which helps you feel full longer and is crucial for healthy digestion. (For more on why to focus on fiber in your diet, see “Why You Need to Eat Fiber.”)

5. Buy in bulk — and avoid highly processed foods. Buy nutrient-dense foods in greater bulk and stay away from overly processed or precut ­options whenever possible. “With ­poultry, for example, you can buy skin-on, bone-in,” he says. “That will make much more delicious meals than boneless and skinless, which is convenient but always more expensive.”

Plus, you can use the chicken bones to make your own bone broth, providing the base for your next meal for much less than you would pay for a carton of bone broth at the store. (Never made bone broth? Try our recipe at “How to Make Bone Broth“.)

6. Buy frozen. Many who value healthy eating assume that they should only consume fresh produce, but Kriegler gives a thumbs-up to the typically less expensive frozen options, which are often equally nutritious. “Out-of-season produce in the fresh-produce section may have been grown in California or Mexico or even Chile, then trucked or flown thousands of miles, all the while losing nutrients,” he explains. “But frozen produce is flash-frozen at the peak of ripeness.” (Try one of these meals where frozen food is the centerpiece.)

7. Get smart about organic foods. You don’t have to buy everything organic to eat healthy. Picking and choosing which organic items make your list will shave some dollars off your grocery bill. Kriegler recommends consulting the Environmental Working Group’s Dirty Dozen list (the 12 types of produce you should always buy organic).

Also check the Clean Fifteen, which includes items like avocados, sweet potatoes, and pineapples. “This is produce that doesn’t have to be sprayed as often, has thicker skins, or has skin we don’t consume,” he explains, making them good choices if you choose to buy conventional. (For a complete list of the Dirty Dozen and Clean Fifteen, see “EWG Releases 2022 “Dirty Dozen” and “Clean Fifteen” Lists.”)

8. Shop outside the store. “For grassfed or grass-finished beef, you’re going to pay $12 to $14 a pound in the grocery store,” says Kriegler, “whereas if you go directly to a farm, you’ll pay much less. If you buy beef from one of the mail-order grassfed, grass-finished companies, you’ll save money and it’ll be delivered to your door. These are great ways to get high-quality, nutritious food in a rising market.” And community-supported agriculture has the same advantages of price and convenience for fresh, organic produce.

9. Plan ahead. Because you need to manage your buying and consumption to stay satiated and nourished, Kriegler emphasizes the importance of meal planning — and sticking to the list once you’re in the store. “It’s going to require real effort and thought to buffer ourselves against inflationary pressure, but I think doing that periodically is very healthy,” he says. (For more ideas on meal planning, see “How to Simplify Meal Planning.’)

10. Reframe the cost as an investment in your health. Even if you’re able to implement all these strategies, eating fresh, high-quality whole foods is going to cost some money in the short term. One great way to get around that mental block is to think of the reduced healthcare costs — and improved quality of life — that all those healthy choices will bring in the long term.

This article originally appeared as “Reframing Your Grocery Budget” in the May 2023 issue of Experience Life.

Rising food and fuel costs, soaring housing prices, increasing interest rates, and a volatile stock market have left many people hurting financially — and emotionally. Even if you’re not in dire straits, spiraling negative thoughts and feelings about money can threaten your mental health.

A 2022 study found that even our subjective assessment of our financial well-being — including worries and perceptions regardless of our actual situation — is predictive of psychological distress.

Financial stress can leave you sleepless, delay your response time, and make you question yourself, according to financial therapist and advisor Ashley Agnew, MBA.

This distress can affect your ability to make good financial decisions, which can further erode your fiscal health and, in turn, your mental health.

“If financial pressures are causing emotional pressures that impact the way that you work, the way you relate to the people you care about, your self-esteem, and your ability to feel motivated to resolve these issues, know that there is help,” says coach and financial behavior specialist Saundra Davis, MSFP.

Financial coaching and therapy are two types of care that may be helpful if you’re trying to make emotional and fiscal sense of your situation. We asked Davis and Agnew to share their insights about how you can relieve the stress yourself — and when to seek professional advice and care.

1. Get grounded.

The first thing to do is be present with what you’re feeling, says Davis. Feel your feet on the floor, breathe, and notice where you’re holding tension in your body.

“Mindfulness doesn’t mean you have to sit on a cushion and be quiet with your eyes closed,” she adds. Journal about your feelings or about your financial strengths and weaknesses. (Explore these six types of journaling practices that can offer meaningful benefits for your mental health.)

“When you’re making quick financial decisions, the same hormones release in your brain as those that prepare you for battle,” explains Agnew. Anything you can do to reduce stress helps — whether that’s exercising, singing, or playing. “The less stressed you are, the better decisions you can make.”

2. Examine your beliefs.

Challenge any thoughts that keep you stuck in a money story, Davis advises. “If a client is saying things like ‘I’ll always be broke’ or ‘I’ll never have enough money,’ I’ll ask them, ‘Is that true? Has there ever been a time that you did have enough? What would enough look like?’”

In a journal or with a confidant, look for a gap between the reality you’re experiencing and your thoughts about what your experience means. Feelings of shame, for example, can cloud your belief in your ability to make change.

“Your financial struggles do not define you,” says Agnew, noting that these times are particularly challenging for many people. “If you’re behind on a bill, that instance does not make you a bad financial manager or bad with money. Treat yourself with compassion.”

Financial therapists can help with the cognitive, emotional, behavioral, relational, economic, and integrative aspects of your financial health.

3. Start where you are.

“In times of high inflation, there are only three things you can do: You can make more, spend less, or do a combination of the two,” says Davis.

To move forward in this environment, look at what you’re already doing: What’s working? What’s not working? What further information do you require to make changes?

You may find that you’ve got what you need to make an action plan for yourself and start executing. But you may find you need further help, either with the ­emotional side of this work or with the practical side. Or both.

“Talk to someone,” advises Agnew. “Talk to a financial coach or financial advisor who has training in financial therapy, because it’s all going to be more connected.”

“Even in times like this, you have a choice,” adds Davis. “You can work with someone who can help you recognize your strengths, identify your weaknesses, and create a plan.”

---

How to Find Financial Care

The Continuum of Financial Care

If you are struggling emotionally or financially during these hard economic times, know that resources exist to meet your needs. Coach and financial behavior specialist and founder of Sage Financial Solutions Saundra Davis, MSFP, outlines a continuum of care that can address a wide range of financial and emotional circumstances.

Financial education: “We can’t do better if we don’t know better,” says Davis. Financial education refers to a basic transfer of information to improve financial literacy and basic competencies. Look for financial education and financial literacy programs in your community or online. The federal Office of the Comptroller of the Currency has a resource directory you can explore as well.

Financial counseling: For more specific advice on topics such as debt, budgeting, and housing, seek out financial counseling. Many programs are offered by nonprofit organizations or government agencies, but banks and other financial institutions may provide these services as well.

Financial coaching: “Coaching is more about exploring behavior and alignment with your values,” explains Davis. When there is a gap between where you are and where you want to be, and you have sufficient mental health and stability to be forward thinking and forward planning, coaching may right for you, she says. Coaching can help you explore motivation and barriers to motivation, create action plans, and provide support and accountability.

Financial planning: Working with a financial planner or advisor can help you meet goals through the proper management of your financial resources, Davis notes. These planners offer a range of services and skillsets, from managing your investments to offering comprehensive planning for all areas of your life.

Financial therapy: These practitioners help with the cognitive, emotional, behavioral, relational, economic, and integrative aspects of your financial health. Financial therapy is particularly important if you have a history of overspending, hoarding, or financial infidelity challenges between family members, explains Davis. “If the situation requires a deep dive and a deep look at your history and how you got where you are, a financial therapist is going to be a better approach,” she says.

Growing up, I frequently watched the television show MacGyver. The 1980s program featured Angus MacGyver, a secret agent who could solve virtually any problem (and save lives) with little more than a pocketknife, duct tape, or the ordinary objects he found lying around. Despite lacking specialized resources, he always found a way to use what was at hand to craft clever solutions to the seemingly unsolvable problems he faced.

Mac focused on expanding the value of what he had, which made him an exemplary “stretcher” — someone who knows that better results come from using one’s available resources in the best possible way.

A “chaser,” by contrast, is someone caught up in the belief that more resources will always deliver better results. This perspective overlooks the possibility of expanding the uses for what one has on hand, partly because it sees resources as having limited uses. When seen through a chasing mindset, duct tape is solely for sealing ducts.

Almost all of us have experienced chasing in parts of our lives — or, at the very least, have been tempted by its pull. I personally know how difficult it can be to break free from its grip, especially when we’re surrounded by people who evangelize the idea that more is always more. I also know firsthand that it is both possible and worthwhile to give up chasing and start stretching.

As a social scientist, I’ve spent more than a decade studying what makes organizations more prosperous and the people who work inside them better off. What I’ve found in my research, and what a growing body of scientific evidence supports, is that how we think about and use resources has a tremendous influence on professional success, personal satisfaction, and organizational performance. This is the focus of my book Stretch: Unlock the Power of Less — and Achieve More Than You Ever Imagined.

I’ve learned that one of the biggest reasons we chase is that we don’t think there’s an alternative. Still, most of us have likely already acted resourcefully in some part of our lives. Have you ever opened a package with your keys instead of a pair of scissors? Figured out how to make ­dinner with what’s left in the refrigerator instead of ordering takeout? Then you’ve stretched.

The opportunities are endless, and the suggestions that follow offer a few starting points for increasing the frequency and potency of your stretch experiences. You may find that as you begin to stretch your resources, you also start to expand your life.

Developing a Stretcher’s Mindset

If the cornerstone of chasing is to seek as many resources as possible, the foundation of stretching is to focus on what you already have. A stretching mindset releases you from the anxiety of never having enough and teaches you that you can create all you need with what’s before you. These are the four fundamentals of a stretcher’s mindset.

1. Develop “psychological ownership.”

When we feel a resource is ours to work with, we’re more likely to use it wisely. Keep in mind that ownership is not always material; according to sociologist Amitai Etzioni, PhD, it is just as much an attitude.

People practicing psychological ownership feel empowered to transform the resources they have, a key component of stretching. This is why kids learn so much more from having a limited allowance than they do from being able to use a parent’s credit card.

Similarly, employees who feel a sense of ownership in a company are more likely to be creative in their use of resources (which is good for the bottom line), as well as more satisfied with their jobs overall.

2. Embrace constraints.

The artist Phil Hansen developed a persistent shake in his right hand when he was in high school, the result of his relentless obsession with pointillism, a style that uses small dots to create a larger image. When he learned that the nerve damage was permanent, he was devastated at first. But then he decided to take his doctor’s advice: Embrace the shake.

Hansen went on to become a professional artist who made constraint the bedrock of his practice. He composed images with paper coffee cups, photographed paintings using his chest as a canvas, and deployed his feet to paint.

His work is just one example of how a limitation can drive creativity. If you’re someone who needs a deadline in order to create, you already know how to embrace constraints to your advantage.

3. Don’t fear frugality.

Most people don’t have a positive opinion of frugal people or frugal organizations — they think they’re either stingy or poor. But someone who is truly frugal fears wasting, not spending. Being smart about how resources are allocated can allow for incredible generosity. One study found three common patterns among the frugal:

• They emphasize long-term objectives over short-term pleasures, such as paying higher salaries over hosting lavish company parties.
• They reuse what they have instead of buying more, which counteracts the tendency to mark status through wasteful spending.
• They feel freer from conventions, making them less susceptible to the social comparisons that lead to chasing.

4. Turn trash into treasure.

We’ve all heard the expression “one man’s trash is another’s treasure.” It reminds us that value is often created in the eye of the beholder.

Jenny Dawson is a London entrepreneur who turns unwanted produce into gourmet chutney, which she sells under the brand name Rubies in the Rubble. Her transformation of what many of us mistakenly see as waste goes beyond food: She hires women struggling with addiction and homelessness as employees. “We judge a person by their looks in the same way we reject a wonky carrot,” she says; this is the real waste.

10 Stretching Exercises

The practices can help you get the hang of stretching and resist the temptation of the chase.

1. Go explore.

Resourcefulness requires creativity, and creativity is often bolstered by novel and unfamiliar experiences. Dedicate a few hours each week to reading something new to you (a magazine, book, or website); attend a workshop or conference outside of your profession; or have lunch with someone in a similar job but a different industry. 

2. Just say no.

Once we shift our mindset to using resources more effectively, we can see that what we do with what we’ve got matters more than what we have. Whether it’s working with a limited project budget or planning a kid’s birthday party for $25, we can reject the idea that something can’t be done without more resources. By saying no in this way, we’re saying yes to a new outlook on working and living.

3. Take a break (and pay less attention).

Too much focus can sometimes undermine creativity. People with ADHD tend to score higher on creativity assessments than other people. Why? They let their minds wander, often making connections that others overlook. The mind needs a break from total focus. You can give it one in several ways: Do some mindless tasks. Clean your office. Try an adult coloring book. Take a walk, which frees the mind to wander.

4. Pick new neighbors.

Who we choose to spend time with shapes a lot of our behavior — and that’s true when it comes to chasing or stretching, too. If most of the people around you are preoccupied with the chase, identify one stretcher you admire and already know. Commit to spending at least one hour a month with that person. Pay attention to how effortless it can be to do more with less; this may start to influence your own choices whether you know it or not. Strengthening relationships with the stretchers in your life is a powerful way to help yourself break free from the chase.

5. Shop your closet.

When Courtney Carver was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, she gave up her chasing lifestyle and started Project 333, which challenges people to whittle down their wardrobes to 33 items for three months. Doing so freed Carver to focus on the more important experiential aspects of her life.

She also stretched herself by coming up with new possibilities for what was already in her closet, finding unique uses and combinations for her 33 items. You can apply this approach to other parts of your life, too.

Take note of stuff that could be put to better use — a newspaper to wrap a present, an old sweater that could be turned into a cat bed. When you start putting your “scraps” to good use, you’ll start seeing them in a very different light.

6. Appreciate.

Psychology research finds that when people are grateful, they expand how they think about resources, often in ways that are helpful to others. What’s more, appreciation can make it easier to say no to tempting things we don’t really want or need.

One study found that participants who did a gratitude writing exercise were more likely to resist the temptation of an immediate cash payout and wait three months for a higher reward. Their gratitude in the present helped them prioritize the future.

To increase your own gratitude, write down five things about your life that you feel thankful for, at least once a week. This habit conditions us to appreciate what we have, big and small.

7. Plan backward.

Jazz music replaces planning with improvisation, teaching us to act and respond more spontaneously. To play jazz metaphorically, reverse the typical relationship between planning and acting. Start a project, work toward a goal, take a trip, or leave the house for the day without a plan.

Keep a journal of what you did, but make notes only after doing it. Repeat as you make progress toward your goal. At its completion, your journal will contain a list of actions you took — what I like to call a backward-looking plan. What new things did you learn? Did you act more quickly? How much did you miss because of your lack of a plan? What did you gain from not planning?

8. Scramble the back row.

If we find ourselves too regularly on autopilot, it might be time to follow the lead of chess champion Bobby Fischer and “scramble the back row.” His technique randomly mixed one row of pieces on the chess board (importantly, not all of them) to create just enough change to require players to rely more on skill and adaptation than planning.

You can apply this idea in your own life by changing up your routines. At work, call someone on the phone rather than sending an email. Drive to work or school following a different route. Start your day a few hours earlier or later. Notice whether these changes spark a little more energy or attention.

9. Make midyear resolutions.

Why wait until the beginning of the year to make a pledge? Health journalist Linda Andrews prefers making Fourth of July resolutions. She reasons that the stress of preparing for the holidays, spending time with extended family, or being hung-over from a nice bottle of champagne might sour our mood to make resolutions on January 1. Midyear resolutions allow us to take stock and set goals from a presumably clearer headspace. (See how our fitness editor embraces this approach on page 35 of the June issue of Experience Life.)

10. Break it down.

Pose two questions about any resource: 1) Can it be broken down further? and 2) Does the description of the isolated part imply a use? The trick is to break down a resource into its smallest components; this will reveal its hidden uses.

Stay Flexible

Don’t get too hung up on how to start your stretching journey. Some of these exercises will immediately sound more enticing than others. That’s OK — we always need a place to start. Treat each exercise as a resource you can build on and adapt to your own circumstances. Just get moving. Like a muscle, our stretch gets stronger each time we use it.

Increase Your Stretch

These two techniques can help you adjust your expectations in ways that help support even greater stretch capacity.

Don’t overplan.

Whether we’re organizing a family vacation or devising a new business strategy, we tend to believe that the best results come from careful planning. Yet too much planning can create a kind of mental paralysis and prevent us from acting.

We learn from doing. When we plan, we’re not acting but delaying our actions — and what’s more, we’re speculating about a future that may or may not exist. When the rules are constantly changing (as they certainly have been in recent times), it becomes more important to be able to act and learn in the present. Even if you tend to favor planning, it’s not hard to adopt an action-oriented perspective.

Try this exercise: Think back to a time when you acted like a “doer”; to a time when you finished a project and did not wait long before starting another one; to a time when you decided to do something and could not wait to get started. Activating these memories can help trigger a more action-oriented mode of thinking.

Expect better.

What’s become known as the Pygmalion effect holds that establishing high expectations for others enhances their performance. One study found that children in a San Francisco classroom who were randomly assigned “gifted” status increased their IQ score by 27.4 points in eight months. Simply having been told they were above average changed their performances.

Likewise, a manager’s expectations shape performance because they alter the expectations of her employees. When employees detect that their manager sets high expectations, they raise their own.

We also set life-changing expectations at home: Beliefs about how satisfying our marriages will be or how our kids will do in school predict stronger marriages and higher test scores in children. Our relationships are ripe with opportunities to signal what we want from others — and people usually live up (or down) to those expectations.

The same is true for the expectations we have of ourselves. When we seed positive expectations, we’re more likely to reach our goals.

Avoid Stretching Injuries

As with any exercise, it’s possible to take stretching too far and hurt ourselves. Here are some common injuries from overstretching, and how to avoid them:

Turning into a cheapskate. Frugal people take pleasure in saving, and cheap people feel pained by spending. Make sure you’re enjoying saving and making the most of your resources rather than getting stuck in penny pinching.

Leaping without learning is a potential pitfall for those who routinely act without any planning. Too much change too quickly without considering outcomes can be like leaping into a pool without first seeing if there’s water in it. Remember that it’s still important to anticipate challenges and listen to feedback.

Being cursed by high expectations. When imposed without safeguards, high expectations can trip up even the most promising performances. We need to make sure our expectations are credible and delivered in ways that avoid unnecessary performance pressure.

This article originally appeared as “Less Chasing, More Living” in the June 2021 issue of Experience Life.