Vacation! We all appreciate a restful break from the stresses and routines of everyday life. And because vacation time is hard to come by, we naturally want our time off to count: We want to ­return feeling relaxed, restored, and fortified with fond new memories.

One way we might try to maximize our time off is by taking a trip with friends or family. Yet vacationing with others — even our favorite people — is rife with opportunities for conflict. A dream vacation can quickly sour if the group lacks consensus on priorities and budgets, personalities clash, or individual needs remain uncommunicated.

Fortunately, a little planning can go a long way. Clinical psychologist Charlotte Russell, PhD, founder of The Travel Psychologist blog, offers some eminently practical suggestions for dealing with opposing needs during a group vacation — so everyone can get the renewal they’re seeking.

Stress Source

The group’s expectations do not align. There’s a wide spectrum of vacation styles, and we might be surprised by the likes and dislikes of our friends and family. “It’s easy to assume that people we know have the same preferences we do, but that can be far from the truth,” Russell says.

Perhaps one member of your group wants to sample every local adventure, while another prefers to spend all their time reading a book by the pool.

Members of the group have different assumptions about what traveling together means. Russell has observed that there’s a common expectation among travelers that “if you’re vacationing together, you’ll be spending all your time together, doing everything ­together. Yet many people will find that overwhelming.”

There is a generation gap. ­Younger and older vacationers likely differ in their interests, energy levels, physical abilities, and goals for their vacation. It can be tricky to find common ground between a 5-year-old and an 85-year-old.

The budget is a touchy subject. “This is a common source of tension,” Russell says. Travel budgets reflect not only various levels of financial freedom but also contrasting ­attitudes about spending.

Generational differences can impact attitudes about spending, she adds. Some grandparents may have more frugal habits than their kids and grandkids, for example. On the other hand, many younger people have less disposable income than their elders.

Personality differences become more pronounced. Vacationing with family or friends can be “a little more intense than seeing them in day-to-day life,” Russell notes.

Travel and lodging challenges — such as delayed flights, reservation errors, and unexpected weather conditions — can highlight the different ways people operate under stress and potentially strain the group dynamic. You’re also spending a lot more uninterrupted time together than usual, and overexposure can lead to friction.

People’s needs and desires may change midvacation. Maybe the quiet time an introvert initially enjoyed creates some loneliness halfway through the stay, and he’d like to socialize more. Or maybe the enthusiastic history-and-culture buff realizes that she’d like to spend more time on the water.

Conflict may come as a surprise. Some families or friend groups likely haven’t faced the kinds of conflicts that occur on vacation, and they’re completely unprepared for the problems that arise in a new context.

This article originally appeared as “Let’s Take a Trip” in the July/August 2025 issue of Experience Life.

If you have a friend or family member who is showing signs of disordered eating, it’s hard to know how to help. People with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, or avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder are often in denial and may resist aid.

Eating disorders — which are some of the most dangerous mental illnesses — have become increasingly common, particularly among teenagers and young adults. Yet early detection and treatment can help individuals achieve a full recovery.

If you suspect someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, it’s imperative to raise concerns and offer support without shaming, alienating, or triggering them. That requires tactfulness and close listening, says Pamela Ramos, MD, a psychiatrist specializing in eating disorders who has worked in the field for the past decade. And it requires care to distinguish the person from the disorder.

Stress Source

Our society often praises, and encourages, disordered eating behaviors. Thinness and weight loss are culturally affirmed and even moralized, while overindulgence and gluttony are habitually endorsed as celebratory behaviors.

It’s difficult to know for certain whether someone has an eating disorder — and you’re afraid to approach them about it unless you’re sure it’s a problem. There’s often a level of shame associated with disordered eating, Ramos says. And common warning signs fly under the radar when people hide, minimize, or explain away disordered eating behaviors.

At the same time, unconscious bias is misleading. Although there’s a pervasive stereotype of eating disorders as primarily affecting young, thin, white women, Ramos emphasizes that you can’t tell whether someone has an eating disorder based on appearance alone. Anyone of any age, body type, race, or gender can struggle with one.

Your loved one has become irritable or aggressive when you’ve tried to approach them about your concerns. To the person with an eating disorder, your attempt to address the problem may feel like you’re trying to deprive them of a source of comfort.

“These behaviors serve as a kind of maladaptive coping skill,” Ramos says. “The person who binges doesn’t enjoy binging as such, but when they’re doing it, there is a sense of either numbness from feelings they don’t want to feel, like fear, or there’s a high. The idea that you would take that away from them can be incredibly scary.”

The eating disorder may be a strategy for managing underlying stress, anxiety, or trauma that needs to be addressed and treated. “These disorders are illnesses of comorbidities,” says Ramos. “Many times, it’s not only the eating disorder from which they suffer but an anxiety disorder, a mood disorder, a substance [use] disorder.”

You’re afraid of unintentionally triggering your loved one. You want to find the best timing and approach for talking about their behavior related to food and eating.

You feel frustrated, afraid, and even angry if they resist your help or relapse. It can be hard not to take it personally if a loved one resists your attempts to help them or slips back into old patterns after starting treatment.

This article originally appeared as “Helping Someone With an Eating Disorder” in the March/April 2025 issue of Experience Life.

See Suzie’s Top 3 Takeaways

Like most San Franciscans without a car, I’m used to walking everywhere. But that part of my routine came to a screeching halt in June 2017 when I fell while crossing a busy downtown street.

I was hurrying to catch a streetcar when I stumbled, landing on my hands and kneecaps. It didn’t hurt much in the moment — the ground didn’t even break the skin. Kind strangers rushed over to help me, and I was grateful but embarrassed by the fuss.

Because I was active and in excel­lent health, I didn’t think much of the accident at the time. My knees seemed fine except for some minor swelling.

Four days later, however, massive inflammation and burning pain developed behind my knees, making walking and other everyday movements all but impossible.

For the next seven months, I couldn’t walk more than two blocks at a time.

Suddenly homebound and isolated, I became unbearably lonely. I’d never been compelled to seek out friends or connections before, but I felt an aching absence where a larger support network could be. Inexplicably, the emotional pain was even more intolerable than the physical pain — and I realized that, at 61, it was time to engage with the world in a new way.

Roots

When the pain started, the doctors said it was my immune system kicking in to heal the injury; there was nothing to do but wait it out.

Meanwhile, my minor injury had become a major deal. If I tried to walk through the pain, it intensified. I couldn’t do any of my normal activities, like hiking, Zumba, or Pilates.

So I sat around the house icing the back of my knees and taking ridiculous amounts of ibuprofen, with little relief.

Anxiety and depression quickly set in. Is this how the rest of my life will be? I wondered. I’d never been one to shed tears, but I started crying daily. I felt so alone.

Before the accident, I’d maintained a small social circle. I didn’t really have friends — I’d always been content by myself. When I socialized, it was with family members, coworkers, and my husband, Nicholas.

And this already-limited social network had shrunk just months before I fell. First my mother died, in February 2017, and then I retired a few months later from a very social career in corporate marketing.

Now, thanks to the injury, I had little contact with anyone outside my family. And I didn’t want to overburden my loved ones with my problems, which included grief over the loss of my mother and the pains of adjusting to life after retirement. I didn’t share the full depths of my depression with anyone.

A New Leaf

After what felt like an interminable ­period of loneliness, I willed myself to get out of the house. I started by hobbling out and catching the bus to a coffee shop. I’d sit alone at a table for hours just to be around other human beings.

Next, I challenged myself to chat with strangers in the coffee shop or on the bus. It felt awkward, but I was so hungry for connection. I didn’t make any real friends, but it was a start.

Two months after I fell, Nicholas encouraged me to work with a personal trainer to keep my muscles from atrophying. When I made my way through the gym doors, my eyes welled up with tears. I was happy to be back in a social environment.

At the gym, I became inquisitive about people’s lives. The more I conversed with those around me — even superficially — the better I felt. I’d ask, “What sort of work do you do?” or say, “I love what you’re wearing.” Sometimes I’d chat with others about workouts.

It felt easier to connect with people in this setting, where we were working ­toward similar goals in a shared space. Even though I’d come to the gym to improve my physical body, it was my social transformation that I came to appreciate the most.

Bit by bit, my efforts to connect with others were helping me become more thoughtful. I started noticing and acknowledging the people around me: the women who tidied the locker room; the barista who made my coffee; the guy who cleaned up trash around our condo. Often their faces lit up at the connection, and we’d both smile.

Branching Out

In early 2018, the pain behind my knees gradually faded away — as if by magic. At first I feared the pain would return, but weeks passed with no recurrence. After four months, I trusted that I was finally healed.

I believe my efforts to connect with others and find peace within myself may have helped bring me to a place of balance and safety where I could heal. And with the pain behind me, I had more energy for developing connections, so new friendships flourished. My early coffee-shop visits hadn’t yielded lasting relationships, but I started having better luck through Meetup groups.

Meetup’s Shut Up & Write! group ­introduced me to other passionate ­writers, and I eventually felt comfortable enough to share a piece I’d written about caring for my mother as she was dying.

Thanks to the Retired Women Who Love to Travel group, I developed a close friendship with a woman whose dream was to go salmon fishing. I researched and arranged a trip for us as a surprise. She was delighted and we had a wonderful time together, even though the rough sea made fishing difficult.

As my social circle widened, I started trying activities further outside my comfort zone. I first assumed I’d hate pickle­ball, but I was happily proven wrong. Now I play with a lively group of friends.

I also began volunteering for Friendship Line, a 24/7 telephone helpline for older Californians experiencing loneliness and isolation. Initially, I feared the job would be difficult, but I discovered that I’m an empathetic listener. Many people I talk to tell me they have nothing to do all day or that no one else will talk to them. I listen, encourage them, and assure them that things can get better. I’ve been there myself, and I know it’s true.

Continued Growth

Today, I’m grateful to be pain-free, and to have the support of my family and a mixture of close and casual friends who call me an outgoing and social person — adjectives I now embrace.

Although recovering from the fall was physically and emotionally difficult, I value the lessons I learned from that experience. They’ve helped me develop a greater sense of empathy and a stronger desire to support those around me. Forging deeper, more meaningful connections with others was integral to my physical recovery, and I’m confident that maintaining these bonds will continue to support my health in the future.

These days, one of my favorite activities is leading hikes of four to eight miles through San Francisco’s fascinating neighborhoods. It’s a great way for me to be outside, stay active, and connect with new people — three opportunities I will never again take for granted.

Suzie’s Top 3 Takeaways

1. Prevent future falls. “I practice yoga balancing poses, and I strengthen my core with Pilates and weight-bearing exercises.” (Try these tips and exercises to improve your balance.)
2. Get outside. Suzie recommends activities such as hiking, gardening, plein air painting, and outdoor tai chi.
3. Take the initiative to make new friends. This can be harder to do as we age because people may already have established friendship groups, but it’s worth trying. “I keep an open attitude about meeting people.”

This article originally appeared as “Healing Connections” in the January/February 2025 issue of Experience Life.

Holidays usually involve a full deck of gatherings, from intimate dinners to company shindigs. The sheer number of conversations can lead even extreme extroverts to fantasize about a night of Netflix. Still, parties don’t have to be an endless round of weather reports and job-status updates.

At most events, you’ll encounter numerous personality types, and small talk can be challenging or charming. Learn which conversation strategies to embrace with whom, and you might find yourself moving beyond idle chatter and into a conversation you really enjoy.

1. The Narcissist 

Typical talk:

“Oh, you’ve been traveling? Let me tell you all about my last trip . . . and my kids . . . and my job.”

Center-of-the-world types have a knack for turning any conversational topic into a monologue. Then again, we can all fall prey to chattering about ourselves when we’re nervous.

Either way, self-interested conversationalists excel at filling awkward silences, so when you feel tired of talking, they might be the perfect conversational partner.

Best response:

If you’re stuck listening to a narcissist, you can do one of two things: Go with the flow, or engage others in the conversation.

In the first case, slow down and pay close attention. Make it a listening exercise. Ask questions, looking for elements of his or her story that you can take interest in.

In the second case, see if you can entice a third party to join the chat. A three-way conversational flow might prove more rewarding for all involved.

(Try these additional tips when dealing with a narcissistic personality.)

2. The Downer

Typical talk:

“You like the food here? It’s too spicy for me, but then, no one ever adjusts spices correctly. Who makes spicy food for a crowd, anyway? This snow is such a huge drag. It took me forever to get here.”

To the downer, the world is a dreary place, packed with perpetual injustices. And he or she may be inclined to find the sad or dark in whatever you choose to share, too.

Best response:

Express empathy and camaraderie where you can (as in, “Wow, it sounds like you’ve had a rough day!”). But avoid getting drawn into the vortex of doom or allowing the conversation to drift too long in a sea of toxicity.

“It’s very easy to build rapport through negativity and gossip, but resist that temptation,” suggests Daniel Post Senning, spokesperson at The Emily Post Institute, and great-great-grandson of the etiquette doyenne. Offer up some reflections on what you’re enjoying about the party instead.

3. The Connector

Typical talk:

“Sarah, have you met Ian? He was just talking about his sculpture project downtown. Ian, meet Sarah — she loves sculpture. Oh, and there’s Michelle!”

Great connectors create conversational pathways that dispense with small-talk fluff, and their ability to detect common interests is a host’s dream.

Then again, an overeager connector can run you ragged, dragging you from chat to chat before you’ve had a chance to learn much of anything meaningful. They can also make a family gathering feel like a networking event.

Best response: 

Enjoy the fun, but be clear about when you’re ready to settle into one conversation rather than being drawn into the next — and the next.

Express your appreciation, then make a simple request. For example: “You are so kind to offer me all these introductions. I’m completely fascinated by this chat I’m having with Jane just now. Can I come find you when we’re done?”

4. The Interrogator

Typical talk:

“So, how is your relationship going? Are you getting married? Why not? Don’t you want kids?”

Showing interest in others is a hallmark of a good conversationalist, but interrogators take it too far.

With questions both numerous and intrusive, the interrogator puts others on defense. She rarely picks up on body language — like crossed arms, lack of eye contact, pressed lips, and furrowed brows — that signals discomfort.

Best response:

If you’re faced with an interrogator, just smile, take your time responding, and don’t be afraid to decline intrusive questions. It’s fine to say, “Oh, I’m not really discussing that topic right now.” Or, “I’ll have to give that some thought.”

You might also counter with some lighthearted humor: “My goodness, you are curious. Have you gotten all this information out of the other guests?”

5. The Know-It-All

Typical talk: 

“You’ve seen the last season of Downton Abbey, right? Can you believe how closely it parallels what’s happening in the Middle East?”

The know-it-all conducts her conversations assuming that you have seen and read everything she has. This can leave you feeling a little stranded when you have no idea what she’s talking about.

Best response: 

Dismiss any pressure you might feel to know all about something unfamiliar to you, and just start asking questions: “You know, I’ve never seen that show, but everyone seems to love it. What’s it about?” Or, “I’ve spent hardly any time with a newspaper lately. Can you catch me up on that?”

You might end up learning about some current event or cultural Zeitgeist that’s new to you. You may also find it’s a pleasure to just listen to someone else talk while you relax for a while.

6. The Cheerleader

Typical talk:

“I love that scarf! The colors are gorgeous. Wait, you made it? How fantastic — are you an artist?”

Cheerleaders excel at creating warm connections right from the get-go, and that makes them lovely people to talk to, particularly if you’re at a party where you don’t know anyone. But if they go overboard in their enthusiasm, it can be hard to get a genuine conversation off the ground.

Best response: 

Be gracious. Remember that a stream of admiring remarks can signal that someone is nervous. Focus on putting your conversation partner at ease, perhaps returning a compliment or two and then shifting the topic to less self-conscious territory. You’re both likely to enjoy your chat much more when you feel like you’re standing on equal ground.

How to Be a Great Party Guest

Read our interview with Debra Fine, the author of The Fine Art of Small Talk, for more tips on how to be a great party conversationalist.

Experience Life | What’s a good general rule when it comes to party conversation? 

Debra Fine | Some people are natural connectors, but we really all can be that way whether you’re shy or not. Instead of making a conversation all about you, just see conversation as an opportunity instead of a transaction.

Another good tip is to be genuine, instead of a schmoozer. If you’re genuine, people pick up on that. Sometimes, just smiling and being friendly is enough. The way you stand, the way you exude positive energy, can be an opening for someone to strike up a conversation with you.

You might want to give a genuine compliment and follow it up with a detail. Like, “I enjoyed hearing about your trip to Africa because I love how you told that story about the hotel,” or “I like your overalls because that color is great on you.”

EL | Are there people who tend to stand out most at a party?

DF | There are those who exhibit host behavior, and that’s different than a connector. I’m a believer in assuming the burden of other people’s comfort, the way a host would. That might sound negative, but it’s actually a great thing to do.

Let’s say I look across the party at someone who’s been quiet and I go up and make conversation, I make that person feel comfortable by asking about what other parties they’re hitting up this season. I might include other people in the conversation.

That’s showing host behavior, where you make sure everyone is having a good time. Bringing other people into your stories isn’t just polite, it’s a wonderful way to get to know them. And believe me, hosts really appreciate this because then it’s not all up to them.

EL | Should someone prep for a party, in terms of conversation?

DF | Definitely, it pays to be prepared. You should walk in with two or three things to talk about, icebreakers to have in your back pocket. For example, at holiday parties you might ask people about what they enjoy most about this time of year, or any family traditions they enjoy around the holidays. You could ask about what they’re looking forward to in the upcoming year. If they’re talking about business, you could ask how the holidays might be impacting them.

One thing to keep in mind, though. I don’t use the terms “vacation” to strangers, because you don’t know if they’re in a precarious economic situation. Not everyone can afford to go on vacation.

One thing to keep in mind, though. I don’t use the terms “vacation” to strangers, because you don’t know if they’re in a precarious economic situation. Not everyone can afford to go on vacation. So, it’s better to ask what they have planned in the new year, for example, than to ask if they have any vacations coming up. If all else fails, stick with movies or TV as a topic.

Think about what you can talk about, and don’t be lazy by giving one-word answers. If you have a few icebreakers in your pocket, you’re seen as a good sport and often, a great conversationalist.

EL | Besides mentioning vacations, are there other topics to avoid?

DF | I don’t ask people what they do. To me, that seems like something everyone asks and it’s boring. Instead, I say, “What keeps you busy?” and they can answer any way they want. Some people do talk about work, but other people might mention volunteering or their kids, and you can take the conversation in whatever direction they choose. Let the other person lead.

EL | What happens if you do happen to stumble?

DF | Acknowledge it. If it’s an acquaintance, you might say, “Where’s your husband tonight?” in a polite way, and then be told a divorce is in the works. Instead of backpedaling and changing the subject, acknowledge it but don’t dwell on it. The other person will let you know through their body language if they want to talk about it. If they don’t, you can say, “I’m sorry to hear that,” and if they change the subject, take their lead. It’s up to you to assume the burden of comfort because you’ve made the faux pas.

But, in general, I don’t ask questions like the one about the husband. Instead, I tend to start with very open questions like, “Catch me up on what you’ve been up to,” since those tend to be very neutral.

EL | What do you think is the most common mistake people make when it comes to party conversation?

DF | Seeing a conversation as a batting cage instead of a tennis match. People can get lazy, and they just stand and answer questions and won’t assume any responsibility for keeping the conversation going. Instead, be a good sport, and give me something that will connect us. If I ask how you’ve been, don’t just say, “Great,” and wait for the next question. Instead, say, “Great. I’ve been trying to get in the last episodes of House of Cards before the next season. Do you watch that?” or maybe, “Great. I just finished making jam for all my relatives, so I’m feeling like I’m way ahead.” Give people a reason to connect to you.

This article has been updated and originally appeared as “Party Talk” in the December 2014 issue of Experience Life.

The season of gift giving is here! For those who find joy in browsing for and purchasing the perfect present, the ritual is fulfilling and fun. Meanwhile, others who feel it’s a hassle may wish they could skip the societal ritual altogether.

Wherever you fall on the gift-giving spectrum, we’ve got you covered — consider us your holiday helpers! We spoke with a few Life Time experts and healthy-living enthusiasts to learn what they hope to give and receive this season. Their suggestions might just spark your creativity and provide some tangible ideas for the loved ones on your list.

As you’re thinking of others, remember that the holiday season is also for you: Be sure to prioritize your own wellness amid the frenzy. These ideas are all curated to enhance a healthy life — and who knows? Maybe you’ll be inspired to purchase something for yourself or add it to your own wish list.

Lydia Hirt

Vice president of pickleball marketing at Life Time.

Her Wish List: Lately, I’ve become a bit obsessed with my Oura ring sleep score — it’s practically my nightly report card. But now I’m convinced the ultimate gift I need for 2025 is the Eight Sleep. I’ve been subtly (OK, maybe not that subtly) dropping hints to my boyfriend. It’s a splurge, but I’ve cleverly framed it as a gift for “both of us.” Fingers crossed he buys it (and Life Time has a code to save $350!)

I take LTH Omega-3 Fish Oil every day during my lunch break and could always use a refill on my stock of it. I’ve learned a lot about LTH’s sustainable sourcing and quality practices, so it’s a product I feel great about taking, especially knowing the many ways fish oil contributes to my overall health and wellness.

My family claims I’m impossible to shop for (totally not true, by the way), so I’ve made it easy for them this year — Life Time gift cards! They start at $25, and I’ll gladly put them toward pickleball lessons and Pilates sessions. Plus, every time I’m on the court or the reformer, I’ll think of the generous soul who made it happen.

Her Gifting List: Gift-giving is one of my love languages — right up there with wearing matching outfits. My boyfriend and I are headed to Costa Rica around the holidays, and I’m counting down the days until we’re playing pickleball in the tropical sunshine (you can get an idea of how much I love playing this sport if you follow me on Instagram @lydia.pickleball).

Naturally, I’m gifting him the gear to be twinning with me in matching Lululemon sets. I’m obsessed with this emerald green one: Men’s Lululemon Pickleball Zeroed In Short Sleeve Shirt and Men’s Lululemon Pickleball Zeroed In Linerless 7” Shorts, which match my favorite set! It’s available at the LT Shop here: Women’s Lululemon Pickleball Swiftly Tech Short Sleeve 2.0 Race Length and Women’s Lululemon Pickleball Varsity High-Rise Pleated 14″ Skirt.

And for the fellow pickleball lovers in my life? My dad, who plays with both power and spin, is getting the new JOOLA Ben Johns Perseus 3S Paddle. Plus, everyone’s getting a three-pack of the Ultimate Pickleball in their stocking! These balls play fast, bounce consistently, and don’t crack — they’ll be the gift that keeps on giving long after the holidays.

Anna Buss

Social media engagement specialist at Life Time.

Her Wish List: I would love to receive the Women’s Splits59 Joan Fleece Polo Sweatshirt and Women’s Split59 Reena Fleece Sweatpant set from LT Shop. The material is incredibly soft, making it the ideal outfit for cozy days at home.

Her Gifting List: I’m hoping to treat someone to a Hydrafacial appointment at the LifeSpa. It’s my favorite facial, and I want others to experience the amazing results for themselves.

Danny King

Master Trainer and director of recovery and performance at Life Time.

His Wish List: I would love for someone to buy me a gift card for a Dynamic Stretch session. As the director of Dynamic Stretch, I obviously love and believe in the service, but like many members, I tend to not be great about scheduling time for myself. Every time I lead a workshop and am the demo client for this service, I realize how much I need the service. My goal this year is to get a bit more consistent with my own stretch sessions, and a holiday gift would be a great way to kick that off.

His Gifting List: I’m planning on gifting someone LTH Revive Grass-Fed Colostrum. It’s an amazing supplement for many reasons: gut health, recovery, skin health, and more. Everyone I know could benefit from it. I am two weeks into a gut-health protocol and am feeling amazing — I want everyone to feel as good as I do right now.

Anika Christ

Senior director of nutrition and weight loss at Life Time.

Her Wish List: Anything that supports my own self-care! I started investing more time and energy into my skincare this last year, so a LifeSpa gift card to put toward a facial or some of my favorite skincare products is high on the list. I’m very into red-light therapy as well and have had my eyes on this red light face mask.

Her Gifting List: This probably goes without saying, but as a dietitian, I’m really into gifting health-supporting consumables that I love and use myself. Over the years, I’ve gifted LTH Collagen Peptides because it’s my favorite protein on the LTH line for its taste and usability. I’ll pair the vanilla-flavored one with my favorite handheld milk frother, coffee beans, and/or a cute mug for all the coffee lovers in my life. I’ve also gifted the unflavored option with handmade soup and/or pasta sauce (you can add the collagen to both of these for an extra boost).

This year, I’m obsessed with our newest collagen offering: LTH Rewind Collagen Elixir. It’s a daily collagen shot that tastes amazing and is perfect for those who want to support their skin, hair, and nails (and joints!). I’ll most likely pair it with another skincare favorite like a gua sha stone, collagen face mask, or favorite serum.

Jen Rezac

Director of education for kids and swim at Life Time.

Her Wish List: I’d love to receive a SkinPen appointment at our LifeSpa MediSpa. I had this service done once before and my skin looked and felt great after. I came out with a smoother appearance and could tell a difference in the size of my pores. It was the reset my skin needed and the recovery time was very quick. As I go into the harsh, northern winter, my skin needs all the help it can get!

Her Gifting List: Every year, I gift an experience that I can do with the special people in my life. In my family, the kids are all past the age of toys, and I’m over having stuff accumulate in my house, which is why I love experiences. It gives us time together and we always do something new.

Last year we went to a holiday show, and this year we’re going on a vacation in January for our “holiday adventure and presents.” It’s a double whammy in our household because we have a child with a Christmas Eve birthday, and our family all lives out of town, so we’re excited to come together with them to do this getaway.

While the experiences are our big gift, we also always play fun holiday games in which the kids can earn prizes, so I love to purchase goodies from the LT Shop for this. A few of my personal favorites are the Serve Chilled Rosé Eye Gels packs and the Lip Service gloss-to-balm treatment.

Avery Price

Dynamic Personal Trainer at Life Time in Pickerington, Ohio.

Her Wish List: This year I had the amazing opportunity to become a certified Pilates instructor. Therefore, my wish list for this holiday season is reflective of the wellness-centered “Pilates girl era” circulating on social media.

I’m hoping to receive some new Lululemon workout sets, grip socks, and my favorite supplements to keep me feeling my best. My current obsession is the LTH Revive Grass-Fed Colostrum and the LTH Hydrate electrolytes in the peach mango flavor.

Her Gifting List: Gift-giving is my favorite part of the holiday season. With my family being very health conscious, I’m excited to gift new products and services for them to try. I already plan to gift the Normatec Go to my youngest brother who is an avid weight lifter and athlete — this portable recovery tool will get so much use during his wrestling season.

I’m also very excited to give my mom a gift card to the LifeSpa so she can have the massage and facial she has been wanting.

Looking for Even More Gift Ideas?

Here are some additional options to help you shop for more of the people on your list.

• For the pickleballer: Gift the Think Royln Sporty Spice Pickleball Bag so your favorite player can hit the court in style. You also can’t go wrong gifting a new paddle, like the JOOLA Ben Johns Perseus CFS 16 Pickleball Paddle. Pickleballers may also appreciate tools or supplements to support their recovery from play, such as the Hypervolt Go 2 or LTH Amino Recovery.
• For the entertainer: LTH Arbosana Olive Oil, a supplement-grade extra virgin olive oil, is a gift any host would enjoy drizzling over a large salad or adding to a dipping sauce for appetizers. “Supplement grade” means the ingredients meet high standards for safety, purity, and potency — and because only a small percentage of olive oils in the world meet these requirements, you’d be gifting them something they likely don’t already have.
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• For the reader: Give the gift of health to your loved ones with a one-year subscription to Experience Life, the award-wining health and fitness magazine published by Life Time. This six-issue gift can help them stay current on the latest health and wellness information and trends, plus find plenty of inspiration for pursuing their goals.
• For the cook in the kitchen: The 1-2-12 Nutrition Book is the perfect recipe book for the food-lover in your life who also aims to follow a healthy-eating plan. Written by Life Time experts, the cookbook features 70-plus recipes as well as tips for making healthy eating easier.
• For the one who appreciates deeds over gifts: Adopt a tree on behalf of a loved one to be planted in a western Oregon region devastated by wildfires in 2020. The Life Time Foundation has committed to helping reforest this area to help restore critical habitat and create a more resilient and healthy forest ecosystem. A virtual certificate will be provided, so the recipient knows this act of care for the planet was done because you care for them.
• For anyone in your life: You can’t go wrong with a Life Time gift card! This can be put toward their favorite areas of or offerings at the club, whether it’s the LifeCafe, LifeSpa, Dynamic Personal Training, Dynamic Stretch, Pilates, Life Time Swim, or Kids Camp. (They don’t have to be a Life Time member to eat at the LifeCafe or get a service at the LifeSpa, making this truly a gift for anyone!)

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Despite how it sounds, the need for social rest doesn’t necessarily mean solitude. It’s about taking a break from people who wear you out — and spending more time with people who lift your spirits.

“Social rest is about making space for those relationships that revive you,” explains Dalton-Smith. “When you are with a friend … who makes you feel as if you could tell them anything, you’re experiencing social rest.”

She suggests you may be deficient in social rest if you are experiencing any of these:

• You feel alone in the world.
• You feel detached from family and friends.
• You are attracted to dismissive or abusive people.
• You prefer online relationships over face-to-face contact.

To make space for social rest, identify the people who make you feel good, energized, and inspired. It may be a friend who always makes you laugh but also listens thoughtfully when you’re going through a hard time; or it might be a group of like-minded folks who champion a cause you believe in. You’ll know who they are by how you feel after you see them.

In discussions about today’s hot-button issues, some people don’t just disagree on how to interpret reality — they seem to operate from different realities altogether. This can create clashing sets of facts as well as clashing opinions.

Differences can come from cherry-picking information that supports one opinion while downplaying information that buttresses another. Things get more confusing and fraught when falsehoods gain traction on social media, in news sources, or among gatherings of the like-minded.

It’s enough of a challenge when a friend or family member’s opinions on tough topics differ sharply from yours. But when they embrace and share false or inaccurate information (which is different from creating and spreading disinformation, or information that is intended to mislead), you can feel confused and desperate. You may begin to see them differently — and you might wonder whether it is your responsibility to help them understand that they are misinformed.

Psychologist Joshua Coleman, PhD, author of Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict, offers some helpful advice about how to stay connected with people who have fallen victim to misinformation — without compromising your well-being.

Stress Source

You don’t know what to believe when people you know and trust share inflammatory content. You may be inclined to believe what those close to you share — but something about the content doesn’t sit right.

You don’t know how to determine what is and what isn’t misinformation. It can be tough to differentiate legitimate information and news from that which is false or misleading.

When you’re nearly or totally certain the information is false, you may feel anxious about how to respond. “It introduces a potential conflict with that person,” Coleman says. “Am I going to have to disagree with them? Should I try to prove them wrong? Give them space and hear them out?”

You may feel discouraged, disappointed, or betrayed when people you care about share misinformation. Coleman points out that when friends or family members champion falsehoods, it may reveal an unexpected gulf between you. Recognizing that distance could lead you to feel confused or let down.

When misinformation is shared online by someone you interact with, you’re tempted to ignore it. You might pretend you didn’t see it or simply scroll past it. You may feel disingenuous for not engaging, but you may question whether engaging will do any good.

You become reactive when misinformation comes up in conversation. Your own anxiety and anger may make the tension between you and the other person worse. (Do you tend to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, or mount a major defense to even the slightest criticism? See “How to Stop Overreacting” for strategies to tame your response.)

Others react negatively when you object to, or try to counter, the misinformation. You might be uncertain about how to advance or even de-escalate the conversation. The risk is intensified online, where you risk inviting a pile-on.

Success Strategies

Do some research. The first step is verifying the information you come across with a variety of reputable sources, including fact-checking sites like Snopes.com.

On social media, misinformation-based points of view often appear extreme, but a lot of misinformation is based on a kernel of truth. If you seek the source of the idea, you may be able to find a small basis for agreement — or at least get a sense of the core value or belief that underlies the opinion. (For more on spotting misinformation, visit “7 Ways to Spot Misinformation on Social Media.”)

Consider your bandwidth, as well as what’s truly important to you. Know that it’s not your responsibility to ensure your social circle is well-informed, and it’s OK if you’re unable to expend that emotional energy. If you do decide that stopping the spread of misinformation is worth it, be realistic and keep the health of the relationship in mind.

“It’s hard to change anybody’s beliefs about anything,” says Coleman. “They cherish their beliefs, even if they aren’t ­rational or well-founded, and if your goal is to preserve the relationship, it’s really ­important to let go of the need to prove the other person wrong and yourself right.”

Choose the right forum and context. Social media is often an unproductive place to discuss misinformation with people you care about because the atmosphere of on­line spaces can be heated and intense.

“Generally, face-to-face is better for relationships that are really important to you,” Coleman says. “But for some people, communicating over text or email might be the best option, because you and the other person are less likely to get pulled into a fight. You have the time to more or less curate what you want to say and then send it knowing that your respondent has more time to respond too.”

Be generous. When someone shares misinformation, they may think they are helping others see the truth. Giving them the benefit of the doubt on that score, even as you disagree with them, can help you stay calm in an exchange.

Coleman points out that the sharers probably want to preserve their relationship with you, too, so emphasizing your desire to stay on good terms may be met with a positive response.

See if you can find common ground. The next step in handling these conversations is making sure the other person is heard. Then acknowledge where you and the other person can agree. “You can start by listening respectfully and reflecting back what they’re saying — ‘I hear you telling me XYZ, is that right?’” Coleman says.

If you found some truth in what they’re saying, you can say so. This does not indicate that you need to go all the way, or even partway, with the misinformed belief.

Although he and his brother have different political opinions, Coleman notes that they share certain convictions, such as a concern for working people. “I can meet him there, and that helps diffuse the tension when I go on to say that I’m skeptical of the theory he’s advocating.”

Step away from the conversation, or even the relationship, if it’s going nowhere. You can affirm the relationship even as you exit the situation, says Coleman. That exit may involve leaving the room or taking some time off from someone to regroup.

“When you are really at a logjam, with the other person insisting on discussing the misinformation,” he adds, “you can say something like this: ‘You know, these conversations about this topic don’t ever seem to go well for either of us, do they? They certainly don’t for me, and I just don’t feel like it’s productive for us to debate about this. I feel like it’s not good for our relationship to keep coming back to these topics.’”

If you decide to step away from the relationship, you may find yourself ready to return after you’ve had some time to reflect and recenter. Ideally, the other person will have done the same, and you can resume the relationship with mutual care and respect.

This article originally appeared as “True Friends, False Information” in the March/April 2024 issue of Experience Life.

The moment I noticed a voicemail from my friend Alice, I knew something was wrong. We’re texters, not callers. I left my date alone at the bar and slipped outside, where I listened to her message. “I don’t know how to tell you this,” Alice said, her voice shaking, “but Chloe is dead.”

Chloe was my Alexander Technique teacher. I’d started sessions with her a few years earlier, when my doctor suggested that she might be able to help ease the debilitating pain I’d been feeling in my hands: a repetitive strain injury that comes with my work as a writer and editor. I’d meet her for appointments in her converted studio apartment, where she’d observe me while I stood and walked around, saying things like “let your knees float” and recommending ways to move my body more comfortably.

I never understood exactly how the Alexander Technique worked, but I knew that it did. After working with Chloe for just a few months, I could use a keyboard again, write with a pen, and clip my own fingernails. And she helped others too, including Alice, who learned of Chloe’s death on what was then Twitter.

Over the coming weeks, we’d find out that Chloe had cancer and that she hadn’t told anyone but her assistant. I was devastated that I hadn’t had the chance to say goodbye and confused about why she had kept her diagnosis a secret. At first, I could only guess at her reasoning. Chloe was so nurturing by nature — maybe she felt she wouldn’t be able to resist the pull of comforting us, thereby depriving herself of the energy she needed to heal. Or perhaps . . . I didn’t know.

Asking Why

I know now, after speaking with several experts, that there are plenty of reasons someone might choose not to share a difficult diagnosis. Many people cite a desire to process the information in their own way, at their own pace.

One person, writing under a pseudonym in a Good Housekeeping article, detailed her reasons for not disclosing her breast-cancer diagnosis at age 47. When her oncologist pushed her to share her situation, saying she’d get more support, she bristled at the suggestion.

“I knew the kind of support my oncologist promised, while well-intentioned and meaningful, would be detrimental to my psyche,” she explains. “Cancer breaks you wide open and I didn’t want people, no matter how beloved, picking apart my ugly innards. Giving everyone a seat at the table where I was waging a war for my life didn’t feel supportive. It felt intrusive.”

You may also worry that sharing the news might irrevocably alter your social relationships, explains Nora McInerny, host of the podcast Terrible, Thanks for Asking and author of It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying Is Cool Too). “I’ve met people who’ve been through all different kinds of situations and losses and diagnoses,” she says, “and the fear I hear often is, ‘If somebody knows this about me, that will be all they see in me. That will redefine my relationship to them.’” (Learn more about McInerny’s story here.)

Or you may simply need more time to make sense of the news yourself, says Neha Sangwan, MD, author of TalkRX and Powered by Me. “If the person is young and knows their runway has been shortened by 50 years, it’s often a very different experience than an 81-year-old who has gone through the gradual decline in function of their body,” Sangwan explains. “How unexpected the diagnosis is to the person combined with their skill in navigating their emotions determines the level of overwhelm and trauma that they’re experiencing. Their level of self-trust and emotional boundaries will likely affect how comfortable they’ll feel sharing the information with others.”

Experience Life staffer Jane Meronuck was 52 when she was diagnosed with a cancer of unknown origin and told she had seven months to live. She shared her diagnosis only with her immediate circle, waiting three months to write a CaringBridge post; she wanted to understand her disease and prognosis more clearly before sharing it with a wider group. (Learn more about Meronuck’s story at “Jane Meronuck’s Success Story.”)

I now have a much better understanding of Chloe’s wordless exit from her students’ lives. I don’t judge her decision; that’s not my place. There’s no right or wrong way to reveal a difficult diagnosis. There’s only the way to do it for you.

How to Share the News On Your Terms

Here are some ways to find an approach that works best for you — and a few strategies for making the process easier.

1) Find a Spokesperson

Nora McInerny had been dating her late husband, Aaron, for a year when he was diagnosed with glioblastoma. He asked her to tell people for him. “I did not know his family that well,” she recalls. “He wanted me to do it because it was too much for him. I am honored that I got to do that, and I was completely unprepared to do that.”

Still, McInerny adds, she could see how much her role as spokesperson helped Aaron, in that it allowed him to focus on healing.

Jane Meronuck’s husband, Chris, filled that communi­cations role for her, she says.

But, because not everyone has a partner, McInerny suggests enlisting a friend, a sibling, or even a care professional to help you disclose your diagnosis to a wider circle. “If you don’t have a Nora, find a Nora,” she advises.

2) Read the Room

Last summer, I found out via text that a friend of mine had died by suicide. On a second occasion, I learned — also via text — that another friend had been murdered. In neither case did the person sending the text ask if I was in the right headspace for that kind of news. Both times, I felt completely blindsided, or what McInerny calls “driveby devastated.”

When you’re considering how to reveal a difficult diagnosis (or how to instruct your spokesperson to do so), McInerny suggests practicing “conversational consent” by making sure it’s the right time and place for the person to receive the information. It can be as simple as saying, “I have something to tell you that’s difficult for me to say, and it might be difficult for you to hear. Is this a good time?”

3) Write a Practice Script

Whomever you choose to tell about your diagnosis — and however you choose to tell them —  writing down some important points ahead of time can help you make sure you don’t forget anything, and it may help calm your nerves when you deliver the news. It can also help you prepare yourself (or your spokesperson) for the inevitable questions. (See “Compassionate Communication” for examples of initiating difficult conversations.)

On that note, expect a range of reactions from your friends and family. Unfortunately, some people won’t react well to distressing news. A few people I spoke to for this article noted that some of the folks they most expected to be pillars of support during their crises actually disappeared — and some found relief and comfort from people they’d previously considered only minor players in their lives.

4) Set Boundaries Beforehand

If you do choose to talk to certain people directly, defining boundaries ahead of the conversation can help avoid potential problems.

If you just want to tell the person but don’t want advice, be sure to make that clear. You can say something like this: “I don’t need you to fix this problem or offer advice, but I need to tell you something.” McInerny adds that this step is especially important in relationships involving people harboring beliefs that differ from yours — whether those beliefs are religious, spiritual, or otherwise.

“When we expect people to just know what we want without explaining it to them,” she says, “it’s setting the relationship up for failure.”

By expressing your needs ahead of time, you’re setting everyone up for success.

5) Use Social Media (or Don’t)

If you want to reach many people at once, social media is a good way to do it. And if you want support from others, many social platforms allow you to connect with people in your specific situation — after all, there are Facebook groups for just about everything.

Meronuck found support through a Facebook group for stage IV cancer patients. “It was invaluable to have access to people who knew firsthand what I was experiencing,” she recalls.

End-of-life doula ­Michelle Kolling, founder of the Minneapolis-based service Held, adds that sharing news via social media allows you to make your desired level of contact clear. “It’s a good way to communicate that you don’t want individual conversations at that time, like ‘We’ll reach out personally as soon as we are able,’” she explains.

You can also clearly state that you’re not looking for treatment advice or describe specifically the kind of support that you do want from your social media circle.

As with all things online, there are pitfalls to avoid. If you want to notify certain people yourself, make sure you’ve told them before posting about it. And get familiar with your privacy settings and your network so you know how far the information is traveling. You might choose to share on a platform that’s limited to people coping with a situation similar to yours — or you might be comfortable notifying a wider group all at once.

But it’s really up to the ­individual. Some people simply don’t use social media, or they don’t enjoy it. There’s no reason to share this sort of news in a specific way just because it’s something other people do. “You’re not obligated to bleed out your personal information, feelings, or details for anybody else’s benefit,” McInerny says. “You aren’t. That is completely up to you.”

6) Get Professional Support

Doulas like Kolling can offer crucial support for people nearing death. They can help you prepare to break the news ­­— if and when you choose to do so — by helping to facilitate difficult conversations or helping you prepare your practice script.

They can also provide nonmedical, practical, emotional, and spiritual support for those facing the end of life — as well as for their loved ones. “We can spend time with the family, to get to know the family dynamics,” Kolling explains. “And we then can focus on the dying person and what is important to them now.”

She’ll often help with letter writing or legacy projects, to offer people a sense that they’ll be remembered and that their lives had meaning.

Few of us feel comfortable talking about death, much less preparing for it, Kolling notes. “Because of advances in the medical field and in healthcare, it’s common to view death as a medical failure instead of a part of life.”

She wants to normalize conversations about dying and what to expect during that process.

Kolling believes what she does is similar to the role of a birth doula, except that she’s facilitating an exit rather than an entrance. “It’s the other end of life. It’s the birth out of this life.”

This article originally appeared as “Sharing a Difficult Diagnosis” in the March/April 2024 issue of Experience Life.

• An Example of Compassionate Communication
• The 4 Pillars of Effective Compassionate Communication

Your coworker Joe is a nice guy, but he’s an interrupter: You’ll nearly be done making a point and he cuts in — to agree, to disagree — doesn’t matter. Every time it happens, you feel frustrated and annoyed — and you’re ready to unload on him.

When a person or situation triggers our less savory emotions, blame and negativity arise. Blame is a reflexive response that helps us protect our egos and avoid the hard work of examining our own emotions and culpability.

The trouble is that blame and grumbling usually make bad situations even worse. If we’ve decided Joe is hopelessly rude, and we confront him about it with language that insinuates as much, we’re unlikely to inspire Joe to change his behavior, let alone get what we hope to get from the situation. Rather, Joe will probably just get defensive and level blame right back. And we wind up in the same frustrated and annoyed place where we started.

When we’re able to pause before we react and identify what’s going on beneath all the confrontational language, however, we can approach the situation with more compassion and understanding. This approach has several benefits: It helps us get more of our own needs met, it helps us better understand and meet others’ needs, and it allows us to more fully appreciate and enjoy our relationships.

“When you give other people the gift of your attention and empathy, it makes them feel understood and they become more open to hearing what’s on your mind,” says Dr. Michael Nichols, professor of psychology at the College of William and Mary and author of The Lost Art of Listening.

This is the guiding philosophy of compassionate communication, an approach to speaking and listening that helps us respond to others more effectively in even the most difficult situations. Practicing compassionate communication promotes deeper connections with loved ones, more harmonious relationships and a greater sense of inner peace.

Motivated by Compassion

Compassionate communication (also known as nonviolent communication) helps people remain empathetic with each other, even in situations fraught with anger or frustration. It teaches people to speak to others without blaming and to hear personal criticisms without withering. This approach can be used to respond to nearly any situation — from dealing with troublesome colleagues in the workplace to ironing out rough patches with romantic partners and children at home.

Clinical psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, is generally credited with creating and promoting this approach to communicating. He theorized that most communication is an effort to get a core human need met and that if we train ourselves to home in on the deeper, unspoken needs underlying and informing harsh language, we can respond more effectively.

When we’re able to pay attention to core needs — our own and others’ — we’re motivated to act out of compassion instead of out of guilt, fear or shame. And, when we’re motivated by compassion, we don’t rely on defensive or blaming language — language that stalls and sometimes completely derails effective communication — in difficult situations. Instead, we approach others with more kindness and understanding — and, in turn, we’re more likely to be able to both give and receive what’s most needed.

An Example of Compassionate Communication

Rosenberg’s technique for communicating compassionately relies on four core steps:

1. 1. Observing a situation without judgment;
   2. Discerning which emotions are being triggered in the situation;
   3. Connecting those emotions to the underlying needs that aren’t being addressed; and
   4. Making a reasonable request of the other person.

Let’s go back to our interrupting coworker, Joe. Say you’re talking in the break room, he interrupts you, and all your intense, negative feelings get triggered. When using compassionate communication, your first goal is to pause and observe what’s happening. Ask yourself: What just happened? (I was talking and Joe interrupted). Now identify the feelings that reflexively cropped up for you. Ask yourself: What am I feeling? (I feel frustrated and annoyed).

The next step is to connect the feelings you just observed and described with the deeper needs that underlie them. Humans share several core needs, including autonomy, physical nurturance, connection and respect. Most of our communication is an attempt to meet one of those needs.

To parse what needs underlie your feelings, get specific. Describe your emotions with as much detail as you can. Use words like anxious, rushed or overlooked, as opposed to bummed, for example. Specific language will contain more clues about the needs involved.

Let’s take your feelings about coworker Joe. Do you feel intruded upon? Disrespected? Unheard? Insulted? If you feel disrespected or insulted, you may have a core need to be respected in the workplace. Reviewed in this context, the very nature of your irritation and frustration can become an important tool in self-discovery.

Once you connect with your deeper needs, you’re more likely to recognize them not as good or bad, but as human. Your natural empathy comes to the fore (you’re not a bad person for being annoyed by Joe, you simply need to be heard), and defensiveness and anger start to recede (Joe’s habit of interrupting isn’t intended to drive you crazy — it just rubs you wrong because it steps on some important needs of your own).

It’s from this place of greater empathy and receptivity for yourself that you can use the same questioning techniques to examine Joe’s motives and feelings — and begin to recognize the very human needs driving his behavior. Your subsequent deeper understanding of Joe’s needs allows your natural compassion to flourish when you respond to him.

Mastering Compassionate Responses

Now that you’ve explored the situation with Joe on a deeper, more human level, you’re primed to respond to him in a way that both addresses the deeper needs at play and also has a greater chance of getting those needs met.

The most effective way to frame your compassionate response to Joe, according to Rosenberg’s model, is to make a clear, reasonable and positive request. The idea here is to both limit confusion and prevent reactive resistance.

For example, the request shouldn’t be, “Please don’t interrupt me,” but rather, “Would you be willing to let me finish my thought before you begin speaking?”

This takes some practice, but that shift in dynamic between two people eventually can alter the tone of the relationship — for everyone’s benefit.

The 4 Pillars of Effective Compassionate Communication

There are four components in the compassionate communication model. Each step helps you respond to others with less blame and more compassion in difficult situations.

1. Practice observing actions, rather than judging or evaluating them. This helps to short-circuit emotional reactions and gives you the opportunity to harvest important insights.
2. Identify your feelings in difficult situations and describe them in specific terms. Try using precise words like unsettled or agitated, instead of good or fine. Specific emotions provide clarity, simplifying the connection between your feelings and the deeper needs underlying them.
3. Explore how needs inform your feelings: The next time you experience a strong emotion, try linking it to a need. For example, if you feel angered with your spouse for forgetting to pay the bills on time, see if that feeling connects with your core need to act responsibly, or perhaps your need to feel secure, taken care of or in control. Next try to connect what he might be feeling — perhaps overwhelmed at the number of chores on his plate, or frustrated that he’s not better at keeping track of fiscal details — with a deeper need of his. Perhaps he feels called to focus on other things, a need to succeed in areas that come more naturally to him, or a need to do things “his own way.” Taken in this light, his “offense” may begin to make more sense, to seem more human, and therefore more deserving of a compassionate, constructive response. Identifying and owning your needs and preferences may, at the very least, help you evolve your own reaction beyond accusations and nagging.
4. Practice making specific, positive requests for what you would like someone to do to meet your needs, instead of instinctively reacting to a situation with blame and negativity. Focus on what you want to create and experience or would like to see happen, as opposed to what you want to prevent or stop.

This article has been updated. It originally appeared in the March 2009 issue of Experience Life.