One of the main things that stand out for me when I think back about my marriage is how much I let my ex-husband and my former in-laws say and do whatever they wanted. I hated confrontation, and I wouldn’t say anything because I didn’t want to upset anyone or cause any tension to this new family I had. It wasn’t until I was going through my divorce that it really sunk in that I needed to defend myself. I struggled with this throughout my marriage, because I asked my ex-husband to defend me. I believed that it was his job to do, and I still believe that a husband is supposed to do this for his wife. But this wasn’t something he was able to for me. So, as I was faced with more and more situations where my integrity, my personality, my character…… just who I am in general was run through the mud – especially throughout the divorce – I learned to really trust God, get up, and care more about myself. I had to love myself so much that I would defend myself against the ill words spoken against me. I didn’t need to be loud and yell and become obnoxious, but if something wasn’t true, I simply said that it wasn’t true. If I didn’t want to do something, I simply wouldn’t do it. There was no need to force myself to sit in situations while disrespectful things were said and do nothing. I failed to realize that there is always a way to say something and defend yourself without causing a scene or being offensive while I was still married. But (thank God!) I know better now. If something is offensive, say so. If someone is telling a lie, say that statement isn’t true. The first person that should be standing up for you is YOU. You are worth defending and being defended…..even if you have to do it yourself.