Don’t Be Afraid to Fight

Have you ever done what someone else wanted just so you wouldn’t have to hear them lip about how you didn’t do it later on?  Is your hand raised?  Well, mine sure is.  One of the things I did while I was married, was go along with what my ex-husband wanted to do, even if I didn’t want to or didn’t agree with it.  Until one day, I realized that being a wife doesn’t mean I turn into a pushover.  You don’t lose your common sense and independence just because you’re married.  Sometimes, part of defending yourself means you’ll need to fight for the things that are important to you.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t disagree with everything my ex-husband wanted to do.  But if I had worked a long day, and was tired and didn’t want to go anywhere, there’s nothing wrong with saying so.  However, I found myself doing the opposite all the time.  I thought I was sucking it up and being a good wife.   When I said I didn’t want to do things, most of the time he would wait by the door, staring at me until I got up and went with him.  Now, it isn’t wrong for your spouse to want to do things with you – that’s wonderful – but if you would just like some rest, say so and stand behind it.  If you’ve expressed that you’re uncomfortable around certain behaviors, don’t keep placing yourself in those environments just because someone else wants you to.  Being a good wife doesn’t mean that you should forget about yourself, what’s important to you, and what you need.  Most of the time, all I wanted was some rest. It wasn’t wrong that my ex-husband wanted to do things with me, but it also wasn’t wrong that I wanted to stay home and rest sometimes.  But I couldn’t keep saying ‘no, I’ll stay home’, and then get up and go anyway… or hate the thought of doing something, but just do it anyway so I wouldn’t be given the cold shoulder later.  All that did was give me practice to say one thing but do another and give in to what other people wanted, which are the very things I was raised not to do.  My word and my actions should be one and the same.  I shouldn’t be more concerned with pleasing other people than taking care of myself.  What I’ve learned throughout the rest of my marriage, and even in the divorce, is that some things are worth fighting for simply out of principle.  You won’t need to stand up for yourself all the time, but when the time comes, don’t be afraid to fight…. sometimes simply out of principle.