Don’t Be Afraid to Fight

1462496316851[1]Have you ever done what someone else wanted just so you wouldn’t have to hear them lip about how you didn’t do it later on?  Is your hand raised?  Well, mine sure is.  One of the things I did while I was married, was go along with what my ex-husband wanted to do, even if I didn’t want to or didn’t agree with it.  Until one day, I realized that being a wife doesn’t mean I turn into a pushover.  You don’t lose your common sense and independence just because you’re married.  Sometimes, part of defending yourself means you’ll need to fight for the things that are important to you.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t disagree with everything my ex-husband wanted to do.  But if I had worked a long Continue reading “Don’t Be Afraid to Fight”

Don’t Settle

1461801127521[1]Today, the process of divorce is over, and I’m nearly 2 weeks single.  Looking back on my marriage, I think about all the things I agreed to that fell short of what I wanted….way short.   I can’t help but think that maybe all of the things I settled for, even back to the days my ex-husband and I were dating, ended up being the very things that contributed to the end of my marriage.  Before we got married, whenever I learned something about my ex-husband that I didn’t like or didn’t want in a partner, I said, ‘well it’ll be OK…that could change later’.  DO…NOT…DO…THAT.  Please do not do what I did.  What I should have done was take him at face value.  In the words of the great Maya Continue reading “Don’t Settle”

Stand up for Yourself!

1461193799374[1]One of the main things that stand out for me when I think back about my marriage is how much I let my ex-husband and my former in-laws say and do whatever they wanted.  I hated confrontation, and I wouldn’t say anything because I didn’t want to upset anyone or cause any tension to this new family I had.   It wasn’t until I was going through my divorce that it really sunk in that I needed to defend myself.  I struggled with this throughout my marriage, because I asked my ex-husband to defend me.  I believed that it was his job to do, and I still believe that a husband is supposed to do this for his wife.  But this wasn’t something he was able to for me.  So, as I was faced with more Continue reading “Stand up for Yourself!”

Keep Your Standards High

1460753652854[1]Another tip that I’ve learned is that the things that I value, and the traits that are important to me should be kept as just that – important to me. Whatever you value when you’re single should not be let go just because you’re in a new relationship. The person you are with should complement you and your standards, and you should be a complement to them as well. Don’t lower your values to satisfy the person you are with. What you value is important, and part of what makes you who you are. Don’t think that your standards are set too high, and the only way to be with someone is by lowering them, because by doing that, you are changing a beautiful part of who you are in order to please someone Continue reading “Keep Your Standards High”